Ramblings of a confused soul...

Perhaps

2011-06-08T11:15:00.001+05:30

'man' is only a sub-string of 'atman', and not atman by itself.
Perhaps, just perhaps, Ramanuja was right after all.

Ecdysis

2010-08-13T15:07:00.002+05:30

How does it feel, to be able to actually see your own transformation?
Not just as an involuntary act, but something that you are aware of, as it happens?
When you are able to clearly "see" both the selves. Not yet distinct by themselves. Only a single blurred persona still, but sharp enough to notice the discontinuity.

Its a strange feeling to be actually aware of this. Overwhelming. And exciting at the same time.
My ecdysis has just begun.

ಬಿನ್ನಹ

2010-04-17T20:14:00.002+05:30

ದೀಪವು ನಿನ್ನದೆ ಗಾಳಿಯು ನಿನ್ನದೆ,
ಆರದಿರಲಿ ಬೆಳಕು...

A conversation

2010-03-22T20:52:00.003+05:30

i : "Hi there".
I : "Oh, Hi".
i : "How have you been?"
I : " I thought you should know better."
i : " I see that you've been suffering for long now".
I : "Hmm..."
i : "Why are you going through this suffering?"
I : "As I already told, I thought you should know these things better".
i : "But I want to hear it from the horse's mouth".
I : "Okay, lets introspect then. I think I've chosen this suffering for myself".
i : "And why would anybody do that?"
I : "What's life without suffering? If everything turned out the way I wanted it, where's the fun? Experiencing pain, gives me an opportunity to hope. To look forward for the morrow. To hope, that things would turn out to be better. It gives me an identity. A sense of purpose, to live on. What would I do without it? What would I pray for? How would I grow? The pleasure that pain gives you, I doubt, if you get it from pleasure itself. Knowing fully well that I could end this suffering the moment I decide to, I've chosen not to do so. Does that answer your question?"
i : "That was a weird answer. Anyways, if you've actually decided to suffer, why so, for the trivial things? Why not hanker after the greater things, that life may have to offer? Don't you think your growth would be a true one, in that case?"
I : "You are making me think now. Hmm.., lets put it like this. I've come to believe that every soul has its own pace at which it "learns". Its takes its own time to "evolve" into something higher. Any attempt to accelerate this pace, can at best, be described as futile. I would go on to say, that even this attempt and the failure thereof, is a part of the learning. So knowing fully well, that I'm on a pursuit of things that are only "toys" in a sense, I do so, with a hope that I shall crave for the "real", in due course. Until then, I am in no hurry. And just so you know, I've no interests in rationalizing my hypothesis. As I told you, I've only come to "believe" in this, with no tangible proofs to offer. You are free to hold on to your ideas."
i : "You are teaching me a few things, that I thought I already knew. I probably underestimated you".
I : "That's because you've created a division between us. You see, in essence, we are the same. Only that, you have already evolved to a higher level, where you don't need this suffering, this pain, for your existence. You are beyond that".
i : "You are probably right. I was only concerned that you were suffering for long now, and hence wanted to help you, that's all."
I : " Of immense help, you certainly have been to me. You made me think, become aware of my suffering. And the cause for it. I know I'll be able to handle it better now. Thank you".
i : "I hope to see you evolving, and becoming one of my kind, soon. Oops, I mean at the right time. "
I : "I know I shall. I am ready for the wait."

Monsoon of '69. Err.. '92 actually

2010-03-20T19:41:00.000+05:30

Found this nostalgic picture of fifth standard while cleaning up the room today. (Yes yes, I sometimes do household chores too). Surprisingly, I could remember the names of almost 80% of them. Loyalty to friends you see ! That's Shubha M'am at the centre, our class teacher. In a tragic incident, she succumbed to a brain haemorrhage the next year. I still remember I was so shocked that day.

And here's a small contest for the reader(s). The first one to identify the author of this blog in the picture, and I shall give you a five star the next time we meet. Promise. And it should be a piece of cake-walk, in my opinion. I really haven't changed all that much, I say !
I mean, yeah, I've grown tall, put on some weight, wear glasses now, and all that. But I still retain the same innocence (and some of that ignorance too) :).
Go, guess.

[Indicate it as (Row, Column). Yes, starting with 0. And don't give me that look. Most of us program in "C", for heaven's sake.]

Who moved your comments ?

2010-03-10T20:37:00.004+05:30

I type in the blog's url today, and what do I see ? All comments on all the posts just deleted. I cannot simply figure out what happened. Did someone hack into my blogger/google account? Did some virus infect the blogspot server, and eat away all the comments? Or its just a temporary hitch, affecting only this blog ?
I am just not able to point out, whatever happened to my blog.
Sad.

PS: As a 'security measure', I've enabled comment moderation.

Maya

2009-12-28T23:12:00.004+05:30

He howled and screamed. Beating his hands and legs wildly in the air, he strived to get out of the net he had gotten into. The more he fought, he thought, the more entangled he was getting. Emotions of anger, hope, peace, desparation, and happiness – all of them passed over him, at different times during his captivity. He also grew envious, when he saw millions of others around, moving about freely. With no constraints imposed. "Why? Why did it have to be me?", he thought of his bondage. And then, he saw her. "She must be painting something. Ah! A free soul it must be. What bliss!"

She was getting suffocated by now. The net was making her feel claustrophobic. She made rapid movements of her hand, trying to tear apart the net. Her violent movements gave an impression that she was painting on a canvas. The more she fought, she thought, the more entangled she was getting. Emotions of anger, hope, peace, desparation, and happiness – all of them passed over her, at different times during her captivity. She also grew envious, when she saw millions of others around, moving about freely. With no constraints imposed. "Why? Why did it have to be me?", she thought of her bondage. And then, she saw him. Looking at him waving his hands, and jumping around, she thought, "He must be dancing". "And that, must be a song on his lips", she mistook his screams. "Ah! A free soul it must be. What bliss!"
Each one thus continued his unabated struggle, for freedom from the net - all the while, not realizing even for once, that there was never any net.

"He's smart !" Really?

2009-11-01T20:14:00.004+05:30

Had a delightful conversation with dasa today evening. Amongst other things, we finally hit upon the topic of how problematic it is, being "apparently intelligent". For the uninitiated, its a state where, you and people around, begin to believe that you are smart enough to do bigger things in life. The reality being, you are no better than the average person out there, doing average things. [A word of caution. This is not to be confused with "latent intelligence", where the underlying intelligence has only, not got a chance to express itself. Whereas here, is the assured case of its absence!]. So, what exactly is the problem? Derived from Hindu mythology, is a term called trishanku - generally used to signify things that do not belong to either end, of any given spectrum. The apparently intelligent are not dumb - as to not have any expectations, and hence be contented with whatever they do. Nor, are they stud enough to fulfill the expectations they develop due to their being apparently intelligent. Thus, resulting in constant conflict. And add to it remarks from people like - "Oh, you are so smart. Why are you still in this company?" or "Oh, why did you just stop at B.E. Why don't you study further?", resulting in total jai. Such, is our avasthe. So, the next time you meet someone who is apparently intelligent, show him/her some sympathy, ok ?

Liberation

2009-10-08T19:46:00.003+05:30

The spirit is scorched by the sharp pangs of pain, to the point that it doesn't even hurt anymore.
Emotions refuse to flow any longer, and just dry up.
Devoid of love, the heart gets hardened.
Shattered dreams and hopes, and the eyes cease to nurture them any further.
All chains of every other dependency are severed.
The soul, then stands liberated.

Resurrection

2009-09-28T20:57:00.003+05:30

Pushed into the dark alleys inhabited by the demons of self-pity, desperation, and their other ominous cousins, she manages to wade herself out. Somehow.
Until she is pushed again the next time, that is.

Probability

2009-08-12T19:26:00.002+05:30

Even just by making an attempt, you dramatically increase your chances of succeeding at something - from 0% to 50%.

Probability, sometimes, can do a lot more to motivate you, than any self-help book could.

Rebirth

2009-07-26T12:46:00.030+05:30

[An attempt at a short story. Which you see, eventually didn't turn out to be all that short ! Not even sure if its interesting enough to keep you on, till the end. Give it a try, nonetheless.]

"Raghav. Raaaaaaghav !", yelled his mother from the kitchen in the ground floor. In his room on the first floor, totally engrossed in giving the final touches to his latest painting, Raghav did not lend an ear. After a couple of failed attempts to gather any response from her son, Lalita limped into his room cursing her arthritis problem, which had affected her life very badly of late. As she entered his room, she saw on the canvas, an explosion of hues of different shades and intensities. She stood there for a couple of minutes trying to garner what her son had just created. Raghav, though, was oblivious of someone’s presence in the room and went about his task rather absent-minded. Having failed to fathom what the painting was all about, she asked him, "I have never been able to understand your paintings". At this moment, Raghav suddenly turned around, as if he was jolted from a deep sleep. Lalita continued, "Really, tell me what is it on your mind, that you paint these? What’s wrong with you? Will you tell me what’s that supposed to mean?".”That’s left to your imagination, maa", he replied callously, wiping his hands clean that were soaked with colors. "Ah! Abstract art, you say? An “intellectual painter”, are you?” the sarcasm was evident. “Now come down for lunch. And you better respond to me the next time onwards. I cannot keep climbing the stairs every single time, just to call you".

As Lalita was coming down, she saw Ram, her younger son climbing upstairs. Raghav, it seemed like, was staring into nothingness, as Ram entered his brother’s room. Ram turned around and glanced at the canvas. It was a painting of stark contrasts. On the left hand side of the canvas, he saw the face of a beautiful woman. She had expressive eyes, with long flowing hair. The background too had everything positive about it. A glowing sun, lots of colorful flowers, children playing around cheerfully. On the contrary, the right side of the canvas portrayed exactly the opposite. An old woman, who seemed like a nonagenarian, complemented the beautiful woman, completing her other half of the body. There were dark clouds all around. On one corner, a volcano was erupting, threatening to vaporize everything that came in its course. Ram just stood there, trying to decipher the painting. He went closer to Raghav, who still looked like he was not in this world. Ram put his arms around his brother’s shoulders. Neither said anything.

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon. Raghav, along with his parents and brother, was having lunch at “Annapoorna”, a nearby restaurant that the family used to frequent. Mr.Shastri’s cell phone started buzzing midway through the lunch course, playing out the gayatri mantra as its ring tone. He looked rather concerned as he was speaking, and did so, mostly in monotones. "Yes. I will be there in 30 minutes". Everyone had stopped eating by now, and was a little anxious. "My colleague, Satyanarayana, who recently underwent angioplasty, expired an hour ago. I can no longer eat. Lalita, you go home along with Ram. Me and Raghav will proceed to the hospital", said a rather pale looking Mr.Shastri. They reached the hospital, believed to be one of the best for treating cardiac problems, in less than twenty minutes. The hospital authorities were packing the body to be handed over to the family of Satyanarayana. Raghav stood outside the ward, along with many other people who had gathered by now on hearing the news. Soon, Savitri, Satyanarayana’s wife came out of the ward, supported by her sons Mani and Subbu. She was inconsolable, as she headed towards the car. Raghav was watching all this, as a strange and uncomfortable feeling started to engulf him. Meanwhile, an ambulance was ready in the basement to take the body home. The body was completely wrapped in white, from head to toe. Raghav also lent a hand in shifting it into the ambulance. "Please be careful, not to hurt him" pleaded Mani, the elder son, as his father’s body was being put into the ambulance.

By the time Raghav and Mr.Shastri reached Satyanarayana’s home, the body was already placed in the hall, with Savitri sitting right next to it. "Why did you do this to me? Why have you deserted me like this?" sobbed, a totally drained Savitri, as those around her, tried to console her. Raghav stood in one corner of the hall witnessing all that was happening. The last time he had seen death was that of his paternal grandfather, more than sixteen years ago, when Raghav was all of eight. "Please light a lamp there, and keep it burning for the next ten days”, the priest who came in to do the rituals, was telling one of the relatives. Mani and Subbu now entered the hall after the customary ablutions. “Now repeat what I say, and please try to do so without crying”, the priest requested them. He recited a few Sanskrit shlokas that Mani and Subbu repeated. Subbu looked weaker of the two, as he could not hold back his tears every time he saw his father. Mani managed to put a brave face, but his voice trembled every time he spoke. Raghav now stood there with moist eyes and a lump in his throat. He saw the faces of all his loved ones, their bodies wrapped in a white cloth, lying there, lifeless. Mr.Shastri, Lalita, Ram, and then Raghav himself. The eternal truth of life, he felt, was death. Everything else pales in comparison. Nothing probably, is as permanent and as invincible. As Raghav was getting more and more poignant with his hallucinations, the priest completed all the rituals. The body was now to be taken to the Shantinagar crematorium for the cremation. Raghav saw someone whispering something into Mr.Shastri's ears. "Raghav, as per Hindu customs, a brahmin should not enter a crematorium while both of his parents are alive. So you take a rickshaw home, while I go along", spoke a visibly upset Mr.Shastri.

Raghav was no longer himself, after this incident. For the next few days, all his actions were only mechanical. He seemed lost somewhere. Death, they say, can bring about smasHaaNa vairagya- a temporary sense of worldly detachment, following the demise of a loved one. What Raghav was going through, though, was something deeper than that. His very core seemed to have transformed. All his insecurities, his fears, his pain, no longer seemed significant. He seemed to have transcended all these, and yearned for something more. Seemingly, the awareness had begun to set in.

It was a new moon night. Raghav was on his terrace, staring into the dark sky. A few clouds present, had even masked the sparse but twinkling stars, suggesting that the entire earth was wrapped within a huge black blanket. As he stood there watching, unknown to him, a sense of calm descended upon him, and his lips played host to an enigmatic smile - one, which probably even he couldn't understand. With his new found peace, he came down into his room. Clipped a spotless white canvas on to the board, and held the paint brush in his hand for one last time. He was just about to paint his final sketch.

It was half past seven in the morning. “Raaaaaaghav!” Lalita's voice disturbed the unusual silence in the house that day. There was no response, as was the routine these days. "Ram, just call that brother of yours, for breakfast". Ram, having just woken up and all groggy, entered Raghav's room. His brother was not to be seen. Ram looked around everywhere, from the terrace to the backyard. But saw no signs of Raghav. He came back to his brother's room, to check for one more time. What looked like a new painting, now caught his alert eye. He came closer to the canvas and started studying it. He could hear M.S Subbalakshmi’s rendition of the Vishnu sahasranamam start playing downstairs. After a few minutes, he spoke, "Ma, appa, can you please come here to Raghav's room?" Holding the day's newspaper in one hand and a cup of half finished filter-coffee in the other, Mr.Shastri came in, slowly followed by his wife. Both stared at the canvas for sometime, and as was the case with them always, were unable to understand what was painted there. "What's this Ram? Where is Raghav?" Lalita, with a hint of nervousness in her voice, broke the extended silence in the room. Ram handed over a piece of paper he had found clipped to the canvas, to Mr.Shastri. "Why don't you answer me?" Lalita was demanding Ram. "Dear Ma, Appa and Ram", it was Mr.Shastri's voice now, as he began reading from the piece of paper. "I have a confession to make. I've never led the life you have wanted me to. I've never been the ambitious kind, the one to go after success. I've always felt I probably never belonged to this place, to this world. I was not meant to lead a "normal" life. "Normal" as in, getting a decent job, getting married, having kids and you know, so on. At the same time, all these years, I didn't know what it was meant to be, either. For all I knew, there was a sense of hollowness within me that refused to get filled with anything I tried. It was a vortex that was sucking me into its abysmal depths. But now, I think I know what it is all about. I've realized that, this sense of void I possess is because I know very little about myself. I've been a stranger to myself all along. I've even tried to let go of these feelings and behave normal, many a time. But isn't, the very idea of letting go of a thing, also holding on to something? After much deliberation, I've decided to go on a journey of self-discovery. Don’t get me wrong. I seek no god, nor nirvana. To me, these are only terms that have no universal meaning; expressions, which each one must define for oneself. And, I choose not to define them. For presently, my ignorance is about something far more pertinent and important – my own self. And so, I am on a quest to understand it better; without any prejudice, any bias". shantakaram bhujaga shayanam padmanabham suresham, vishwadharam gagana sadrusham megha varnam shubangam... the CD player could be heard rendering now. "For this, I seek solitude. I don't know where I am off to, and for how long. I know I've failed in my duties as a son and a brother, and apologize for the same. Ram, please take care of appa and ma. Ironically, it was the death of Mr.Satyanarayana that brought about these changes in me. It was a death, which gave me a new life, a new purpose. It paved ways for me to look at life, in manners that I had never done before. In essence, it was my rebirth. With sincere apologies...” The letter, at the end, bore Raghav's trademark signature, which he also used to sign off his paintings.

Mr.Shastri finished the reading, with his hands trembling. More so, it seemed like it was his heart that was trembling. He stood motionless, unable to hold those tiny droplets of water that managed to trickle down his cheeks. Lalita wore a stunned expression on her face. Ram looked like he had resigned to the fact. As though, he saw all of this coming, in Raghav's earlier paintings. The three of them, then looked towards the canvas again. Suddenly, all of it made sense - the silhouette of a man ascending a funeral pyre at one end, and an infant crawling out of it, at the other.

Pot Pourri

2009-07-10T21:05:00.006+05:30

************************************************************************************
"ಎಳ್ಳು ಬೀರಿದರೆ ಕೆಳಕ್ಕೆ ಬೀಳದ ಗುಂಪಿನ ಮಧ್ಯೆ..." - [In the context of describing a large gathering of people]
- For more of such imaginatively crafted lines.
- For the sheer audacity of the ideas expressed (especially, considering the time at which they were conceived).
- For the brilliant characterization.
- For the amazing clarity in portraying praneshacharya's confusion.

I would say, go read this book [I suggest though, read only the original in kannada].

************************************************************************************
I've probably discovered for myself, an alter ego. I with my kannada vocabulary, for my life, could have never written the previous poem !
And now, the guy simply goes missing...

************************************************************************************

Music, to me, all these years, has only been about the tune. I've never really cared about the lyrics part of it. As long as it had a decent enough tune, it has managed to come into my good books. But of late, for whatever reasons, I am concentrating on the words. Learning to focus, to get - lost, where ever they take me.

I am no devdas, but simply loved these two lines, from the song in New York :)

"तूने जो ना कहा, वो मैं सुन्ता रहा,
खामखाँ , बेवज़ह., ख्वाब बुन्ता रहा !"

Wow!!!

ಚಂಚಲತೆ

2009-06-25T21:07:00.007+05:30

ಅರಿವಾಯಿತು ಈ ಸತ್ಯ ನನಗಂದು,
ಅದೆಷ್ಟು ಚಂಚಲವು ಮನಸ್ಸೆಂದು.
ಸೆಳೆಯಿತು ಈ ಕ್ಷಣ, ಆ ಮಾಯಾ ಜಿಂಕೆಯ ಆಕರ್ಷಣ,
ಕಂಡು ಮರಣವ ಒಂದು, ತುಡಿಯಿತು ಮನವು ಮರು ಕ್ಷಣ.

ಕಿರು ಹೆಜ್ಜೆಗಳ ಹಾಕುತ್ತಾ, ಸಾಗಿ ಬಂದೆ ಬಾಳ ಪಥದಿ,
ದಾಟುತ್ತಾ, ನೂರೆಂಟು ಕವಲುದಾರಿಗಳ - ಪ್ರತಿ ಹಂತದಿ.
"ಈ ದಾರಿಯೊ, ಆ ದಾರಿಯೊ", ದುಗುಡ, ಸಂಶಯ ಸದಾ,
ಕಳೆದು ನಿಂತ ಮಾರ್ಗವೇ ಉತ್ತಮ, ಎಂಬ ಮನಸ್ಸಿನ ವಿವಾದ.

ಬಲಿಯಾಗದೆ ಭಾವೋದ್ರೇಕದ ಬಿರುಗಾಳಿಗೆ, ಕಾಪಾಡಿಕೊ ನೀನು ನಿನ್ನ,
"ಎಚ್ಚತ್ತು!", ಓ ಮೂಢ ಮನಸ್ಸೆ, ಭಾವನೆಗಳು ಧೃಡವಾಗಿ ಬೇರೂರುವ ಮುನ್ನ.
"ಕತ್ತಲು, ಕತ್ತಲು", ಏತಕೀ ಆರ್ತನಾದ ?
ಅಗೋ ಕಂಡಿತು ಬೆಳಕು - ನಿನ್ನ, ಪರಮಾತ್ಮನ ಸಂವಾದ.

ಅರಿವಾಯಿತು ಈ ಸತ್ಯ ನನಗಂದು,
ಅದೆಷ್ಟು ಚಂಚಲವು ಮನಸ್ಸೆಂದು.
ಆಗಬಾರದೇಕೆ, ಈ ಬದುಕಿನ ಗುರಿ - ಆ ಮನಸ್ಥಿರತೆ ?
ತಿಳಿಗೊಂಡ ಚಂಚಲತೆ, ಅಹುದು - ಅದೆ ಜೀವನದ ಸಾರ್ಥಕತೆ !

[My first attempt at kannada poetry. And, I realized how difficult it is. Please, to pardon any grammatical/'spelling' mistakes :).]

I... I See

2009-06-18T19:33:00.007+05:30

I1 - "Question1 - ...".

Sc - "Hmm... Answer1 - ...".

I1 - "Well, I would say that was a "canned" response. I wanted you to think out of the box".

I2 (Turning towards I1) - "Oh, I guess you mean, think out the "can" ? Hehehe..."

Sc - Staring and gazing around, with a blank expression.

[I1 - Interviewer1, I2 - Interviewer2, Sc - Student candidate]

This, is humor at one of India's (actually the world's) premier research institutes.
And, I thank this person for sharing the same !

[p.s : This post is also a tribute to the brilliant faculty and students there, and to the spirit of the institute itself]

Deja Vu

2009-05-25T20:00:00.001+05:30

Life, at times, can seem like a treadmill.
No matter how fast you run, you also know for sure, that you are not getting anywhere actually !

What else ?

2009-05-16T20:59:00.003+05:30

When you can no longer feel their pain.
When you cease to share their joys, and have none of your own.
When you are no longer a part of their lives.
When you have lost all your rights on them.
When "us", is all about "me".

What else is all this, but death ?
Death is not just a physical phenomenon. Its an idea. A behavior. A thought too. Yes, death is not just physical...

Epiphany

2009-05-07T19:28:00.002+05:30

I better discover that thing which keeps my soul truly at peace. Something, that gives me a sense of purpose. Soon.
Else, there is the grave danger, that I might disintegrate. Very rapidly.

I continue to wait for the epiphany.

Those days...

2009-04-15T19:50:00.004+05:30

... When there was no fear, or pain of losing your loved ones.

... When there was neither the past, nor the future. But only the present.

... When "success" mattered very little.

... When you met your friends daily, and didn't have to wait till both of you were "free".

... When you got a summer vacation of at least two months in an year.

... When "games", meant, you played things like cricket and carom. And not, "office politics".

... When all you thought was, about nothing.

... When you argued with your teacher for that one mark, that would get you in the top three. And not with your boss, for that extra increment.

... When you fought with your friend, insisting that you were not "run-out", and that he was only cheating.

... When you didn't need a blog to vent out your frustrations, because you didn't have any.

... When you had no notion of a "self-image", and everything under the sun was possible.

... When you never got nostalgic about "those days", that no longer were.

Was it the innocence, or the ignorance then, I fail to make out. But truly, those were the best days of my life...

A Vision !

2009-04-03T20:31:00.003+05:30

Today as I was traveling back home in the bus, I was in one of those half-asleep states. I then "saw" a monk. He was in ocher robes and had a tonsured head. And guess what ? He had exactly my face !!! (Minus the glasses though. I wonder why :) ? ). This probably lasted for only about two seconds, when I suddenly "woke" up. All I managed to do then was, look outside, and steal myself a sheepish smile. Oh, nothing to worry, I am not out to renounce the world ! Am so badly entangled in the worldly web, even to do that. Moreover, whatever limited "spirituality" that I am aware of, I know only at a theoretical level. None of which, I've been capable enough to apply in real life.Yet. I know I was hallucinating. Nonetheless, just like this new vodafone ad, thought it was an experience, interesting enough, to "tell the whole world" !

Grass

2009-03-28T13:32:00.003+05:30

Holding the earth in its place !

Grass's is the forgiveness of nature.
Her constant benediction.
Trees may be fell and flowers plucked.
But it is through these strands, that she speaks to us !!!
- On a signboard in a park, as seen by a friend.

[Photo caption idea - G, a colleague]

A disturbing trend

2009-03-16T19:43:00.003+05:30

Every time, a friend climbs one more step on the ladder of "success", I feel I am drawn ten steps away from him/her. No no, it has got nothing to do with his behavioral changes. Rather, its more due to my reaction towards that success. I am not even sure if its my own insecurities manifesting themselves as jealousy. But I am scared that, most of the times, that is verily the case. And the people I am taking about here, are those, whom I consider to be an "extension" of my own self. Those, to whom, I feel "connected" at a finer level. Which, makes it all the more disturbing. This trend, I know, is so very wrong.

And why am I being so candid about it, here ? That's because I want them to know. I want them to know of my true feelings. Though it does little good in totally eliminating, it does help to some extent, in alleviating the guilt factor. And to add to the hopelessness, I am not even sure on how to reverse this disturbing trend. All I can say as of now, is that I am truly sorry.

To end the post on a slightly better note, I've been listening to this song by Pandit [Rajan and Sajan Mishra], the whole of today. And it is undoubtedly, one of the beautiful, beautiful, prayer compositions I've ever heard. So much, that I went to a durga temple after office :).
(Select "Raaga Durga" among the list of songs).

An advice...

2009-03-09T20:49:00.002+05:30

Your unprecedented silence could become your biggest weapon.
At the same time, it could also turn out to be the biggest cause of your destruction.

[ update: This post was not my contribution. The originator is unaware of this blog, and I conveniently "forgot" to credit him for the same, at the time of posting this :) ]

Do you know ?

2009-03-04T20:39:00.004+05:30

Every decision that you make in life, every step that you take, do you know for sure, whether you are moving forward or going backward ?
How did you decide your reference ?
And then again, wasn't that reference biased by any another reference ?

Or even worse, do all those decisions and choices, ultimately end up only as, being a part of a strange loop ?
I do not know.

Then, why ask these questions in the first place ?
I do not know that, as well.

Revelation

2009-03-02T19:30:00.004+05:30

Last week, saw the revival of my affinity towards Hindustani music. For reasons unknown, the interest in the same had gradually waned, after college. But then, S, a new found friend at office, showed keen interest in it and so, I got a few songs from her collection. From then on, I've been listening to some real gems, and was only cursing myself for having neglected this form of music totally. And now, I just don't enjoy the conventional "popular" songs anymore. They all seem so hollow in comparison to the divine abstraction that Hindustani offers. It has elevated me as a music listener, to another level by itself.

Sample some of these melodies that I've been captivated with, for the last few days.

1. Hariprasad Chaurasia -Raag Hansdhwani : A beautiful rendition of vatapi.. followed by an awesome jugalbandi between tabla and flute towards the end.
2. Naarayani-Jasraj
3. Malhaar-Jasraj
4. Sanjoy_Bandopadhyay- Husseini Kanada (Sitar)
5. Sanjoy_Bandopadhyay-Anandi-Kalyan
6. Sanjoy_Bandopadhyay-Kafi_Thumri
7. Sanjoy_Bandopadhyay-Sohini
8. Jayateerth_Mevundi-Raga_Kedar...

Add to that, a lot of other semi-classical fusion songs which were enthralling to say. Now, if you are thinking that I could distinguish between all those ragas mentioned here, you are mistaken. I could know what they are, only because they were explicit in the file-names of the songs themselves :-). That, is another regret that I have. My ear not being "intelligent" enough to discern the various ragas and talas. I probably will relish the music more, if I can do that.

Next step would be, to add to the list of songs. And I know where exactly to do that !

Irony

2009-02-22T21:24:00.005+05:30

Calmness personified on the outside.
A violent sea of mood swings on the inside.

Preaching fearlessness to others.
Possessing the heart of a sheep.

Apparent role model to many.
Never hated anyone, as much as self.

One hundred percent sure about others' success.
Equally sure about self's failure.

Giving into spirituality.
Giving into lust as well.

Considering oneself to be an introvert.
Publishing some of the innermost held secrets/private incidents on a public blog.

Finally,
A forty minute jog/walk at Lalbagh.
Followed by idly-vada + masala dosa + chow-chow bath, at Vidyarthi Bhavan.

p.s I: No wonder then, opposites are known to attract each other so strongly.

p.s II: Whoever said, that all these things are about me (If you thought so, that is) ?

... And life

2008-11-22T10:41:00.002+05:30

What is it about life, that so very much, glorifies the beauty of everything. Including, death itself ?

p.s: This one was triggered by this comment on the earlier post.
However, to make it clear, it is here more because it acts a 'complement' to the earlier one, than because I believe in it.

Death...

2008-10-23T21:38:00.004+05:30

What is it about death, that so very much, glorifies the futility of everything. Including, life itself ?

Hello World !

2008-09-23T22:02:00.004+05:30

Its been a long time now. More than six months since I wrote anything here. Actually, never felt the need to. Not that I have anything interesting now, either. It was just the urge to write something, thats all. Been a rather dull six months till now. No development in any sense. My mind, having become a strife-torn minefield. Where, you have done enough, even if you manage to barely survive. Development and innovation is the last thing that comes to mind. Alright alright, I am not out here to bore you with anymore of my cribbing.
Am expecting some changes on the professional front, and, hopefully for the better.
And an apology to all friends, with whom, I have not cared enough to stay in touch.

IMA

2008-03-21T19:31:00.004+05:30

He: "No Ego, No Fear".

I: Is it "No Ego, so, No fear" or "No Ego, and, No fear" ?

He: I think its the first one.

I: But it could also be the second one. After all, ego is not the only source of fear.

He: Yes, it could be...

My First Post

2008-01-26T18:01:00.000+05:30

Ok, so I had to come down here to make things lighter, after the melodrama Krishna created, in the last couple of posts. Before I forget, he wants to convey a BIG 'thank-you' to all of you, for your wishes/prayers/calls/messages. They mean a lot to him. He is quite ok now, and well on the road to 'recovery'. But did you guys read his last two posts. Seeing the comments, I gather that you must have. I mean, I like read it recently and was stupefied. After reading, I thought someone was dead. Worse, I thought he was dead !!!
And when I came to know what had actually happened, I was like rolling on the floor, laughing.(Whats that, you people use to convey this, ROTFL ??)
Kids, these days, I tell you. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill. Yeah right, I know what happened was not very pleasant, but I thought he over-reacted. Especially, after having seen him handle far tougher things, much more strongly. But yes, I know he is a nice guy and thats what I have been trying to convince him.That, ultimately nice things do happen to nice people. I can see that the wounds are healing, but I also see them leaving a few scars.

As I write this, he is interrupting me. Seems that he wants to clarify one more thing. His intention of writing the previous posts was not to make anyone feel guilty/sorry for the turn of events. He is trying to realize that no one (not even he) was responsible for whatever happened.
I see him going back into "Freedom at Midnight", which he started reading today.
Finally, a thank-you from my behalf too, for all your concerns. I am sure, with my support, he should be fine pretty soon.

Oh, if you are still wondering who I am, I am the soul behind that nice guy :-).
(I think, now you get the title behind this post).

PS: In trying to counsel Krishna, I found out something that he might find useful, at times of desperation. Putting it here for his reference.

WHATEVER HAS HAPPENED
IS FOR GOOD
WHATEVER IS HAPPENING
IS GOING ON WELL
WHATEVER WILL HAPPEN
THAT WILL ALSO BE GOOD

WHY YOU ARE REPENTING
FOR WHATEVER YOU HAVE LOST?
HAVE YOU BROUGHT ANYTHING WITH
YOU WHICH YOU HAVE LOST?

HAVE YOU PRODUCED ANY THING
THAT IS DESTROYED?
WHATEVER YOU HAVE GAINED,
YOU OBTAINED FROM HERE
WHATEVER YOU GAVE
YOU HAVE GIVEN HERE

WHATEVER BELONGS TO YOU TODAY
YESTERDAY BELONGED TO SOME ONE.
IT MAY BELONG TO SOMEONE DAY AFTER

“CHANGE IS THE RULE OF NATURE”
- His Namesake

Prayer

2008-01-21T19:40:00.000+05:30

Five long years. Yes, for more than five years, I believed in something so strongly. And today, all of it came crashing down. Just like that. I am still trying to find myself, under the debris of my bruised soul, amongst other things. And then, theres none to blame too. Why does life have to make its lessons so hard ? As of now, all I see is darkness around me. A sense of falling into a bottomless pit.
My only lifeline is my faith in god. But no matter how hard I try, I don't seem to get a grip of the rope.I try to pray. Pray for a miracle. That somehow, I hold on to something before things go out of hand. I know, I have a long way to go in life and this is just one of those things. Sadly, there is a lot of difference between knowing something and experiencing it. Suddenly, the past is haunting and the future looks intimidating.And present, you ask, now whats that ?
I always thought I was strong enough to handle this, but then, whats life, if it doesn't give you a shock when you least expect it :).

If you can, please pray for me. Pray that I come back into light, into life, again.

All Along

2008-01-21T17:21:00.000+05:30

All along, I thought I was walking on a path strewn with roses.
Today, I realized it was a maze of thorns I was treading on.

All along, I thought the sky was beckoning me.
Today, I realized it was the vacuum underneath, sucking me inside.

All along, I thought it was the silent sea, on my side.
Today, I realized they were the deathly waves threatening to wash me away.

All along, I thought they were the twinkling stars at night.
Today, I realized they were the evil eyes of the satan mocking at my life.

Ah, the illusions, and the pain they bring along...

2007-11-15T18:57:00.000+05:30

It was 10.30 in the night.He stood leaning against the grilled wall of a park, opposite to the restaurant.Appropriately dressed for the mild winter, he had a faded cap and a jaded looking sweater on him. What seemed to be a plastic bag, hung slanted across his shoulder. As I came out of the restaurant, I saw him delicately blowing the cool air into the 'blower'. As soon as he did that, tens of tiny soap bubbles floated into the air, rising slowly, and gradually vanished into nothingness, one by one.
I was then reminded of this 'indigenous' toy, that we as kids used to make at home, using lots of soap and water.It was fun then, to simply blow air and watch lots of miniature bubbles coming out of the 'blower'. There used to be a competition as to who could generate the maximum, even if it meant, inadvertently swallowing some of the acerbic soap water.

As I was watching him, he kept repeating the procedure. Blow air, watch the bubbles rise in air, disappear, then blow again. Though, what intrigued me was, his absolute indifference to the fact that no one was interested in buying or even watching his act. All he seemed to be interested was, in simply watching the bubbles appear and disappear. Karma yoga in practice, or sheer hopelessness, I failed to make out. But I decided that I had to buy one of those from him. I went to him and asked for the price of one. With an enigmatic smile, he replied "hattu rupayee saar".As I bought one and returned back, I saw him indulging in the same act again, with the same callousness - Blow, watch and blow...
Amidst the chilling winds of the night, for reasons that I cannot describe, I felt small, in front of him and the tiny soap bubbles.

Chicken and Egg

2007-10-16T22:18:00.000+05:30

Is (repeated) failure, the cause, or the effect of a lack of self-belief ?

Or, are they totally independent ?

Or, do they a form a vicious circle ?
If yes, how do you break it ?

25 not out, well just

2007-09-12T20:57:00.000+05:30

Ok, so today is my 25th birthday. What big achievement in that you might ask ? Quite right, not an achievement in any sense. But as D remarked yesterday, an important milestone in the sense that it marks almost fifty percent of a lifetime.(According to her, we live only till around 60.Am not quite sure about that though).

So, what have I done special in this time ?

- I have not scored 41 ODI centuries

- I am not a chess grandmaster

- I haven't won the "young scientist of the year " award.

- I haven't been nominated for the booker prize.

- I don't have a Master's degree (Which is like, the norm these days)

- I don't have a patent to my name (But very proud of josh who does.)
(ps: Sam, I had written this even before you came.Brilliant coincidence that you actually came)

There you see, I actually haven't "achieved" anything as such (Of course, the above list is not exhaustive and only indicative, just so that you get the drift).

But yes, I would like to think that, over the years, I have provided moments of joy and pleasure, at least to a limited set of people, comprising mostly of my parents, a lovely sister and a few good friends.And for me, that qualifies as some achievement.
Only, there is one big regret that, personally I haven't 'enjoyed' the journey so far in the real sense. This is one anamoly, I would love to correct as the next phase in life begins.

And how was my day like ?
- Lots of wishes throughout the day, from people who really matter in my life.

- Thanks to a colleague, an expanded set of people at office got to know about the day. But felt a little uncomfortable with the extra attention.

- Left early, only to get stuck in a terrible jam.

- Cut a small blackforest cake. Yes, I am 25. So ?
(At this moment, josh made a totally unexpected arrival which was thrilling to say).

As I write this, its raining like its never done before.I take it, as a blessing from the heavens.
Yeah alright, I know its the rainy season, but there is nothing wrong in being a little self-centered on your birthday, is it ?

Of teachers and their methods

2007-08-16T21:07:00.000+05:30

I have been reading Swami Vivekananda's articles and teachings for close to six years now. And I am in complete awe of the swami. His fearlessness, freedom in action and thought are remarkable.Everything about him truly suggests a manifestation of god.His fervent calls to the youth appealing to remain strong, fearless and to express the inherent divinity, have always been inspiring.I have relished most of his thoughts and ideas, and always felt he was the ultimate teacher.
Until recently that is. Upon a reflection of the recent past, I have come to realize that, with his teachings there was a pressure to 'perform', if I may say so.Things like assuming total responsiblity for one' s destiny, strength even in crisis, asserting one's divinity (and many others) were difficult 'tests'(atleast for me), failing which, induced a guilt feeling. And when you respect someone so much, failing his teachings feels as bad as failing the person himself.

I really don't know why, but all these days I never got down to reading the gospel of the teacher's teacher himself - Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa.But I am glad I did it now. There is so much solace in his teachings.Not that they are any easier than the Swamiji's, but they are more 'in-sync' with my personal beliefs regarding many of the things in life. I am not saying that I have found complete peace of mind now.I still have my moments/days of doubt and anxiety, but amidst all these, there is a sense of calmness, once I begin to understand the source of such trepidations.

I am not out to say that swamiji's teachings are inferior to the master's or that they have counter productive effects.Its just that like so many things in life - some suit your personality, some don't, the same is with teaching.You have to choose what best suits you.

For me, I think I've found the ultimate teacher.

Heights

2007-08-01T09:30:00.000+05:30

In tune with last week's trend, the distorted sleeping pattern continues this week too.Keep waking up at 5.30, no matter how late I sleep - even as late 12-12.30.And for someone who needs to sleep at least eight hours, this is definitely troublesome.Today was one such day again.And in one of those half sleep-half awake states, this thought actually crossed my mind as one of the serious options -
"Sh*t, I should set the waking time to 6.30 and recompile the code, so that this does not repeat tomorrow".

What, is happening to me ?

Simply Don't Understand

2007-07-24T20:07:00.000+05:30

Why do always, only men have to propose

Now, don't rack your brains trying to read in between the lines, err, words. (There's only one line there).That, is simply one of the countless inane thoughts, I am getting these days.There is nothing 'interesting' of that sort happening in life.
On the contrary, my mind is in a complete mess over most things in life - future,career, ambition (or the lack of it) and so forth.Have been sleep deprived for the past couple of days, and have been experiencing atrocious mood-swings, of late.Maybe I should go see a lawyer.No.A carpenter, no wait.Ah yes, a doctor, thats him.There, you get a gist of what I going through.I just want to forget everything, pack my bags and go on a month-long road trip all alone,I don't know to where.

On second thoughts, you may rack your brains.

Just like that

2007-07-04T22:33:00.000+05:30

"People in glass houses should not throw stones at other's houses", she remarked.
He built a brick wall around.

On other things, in my opinion, the biggest tragedy that can strike a man in his lifetime is, his own inability to understand what he truly wants from life.
What else can be more painful, than seeing a man struggle all his life, even to find out where he wants to head to.
Thats why, I envy people like these and these ;
and each such person, who is fortunate enough to be able to listen to his heart, and has the courage to follow what it says.

Do you know, what you want in life ?

Learnings

2007-05-13T02:49:00.000+05:30

My month long trip outside India has enlightened me on the following accounts.

- I cannot survive outside India for a long time.

- I realized how weak I am,mentally(This was the most critical learning of this sojourn.Need to reflect a lot on this, if I am to get anywhere forward in life).

-There are a lot of backstabbers around.Be careful henceforth, when dealing with people.

-When things go wrong,and the buck (wrongly) stops at you, find someone else to pass it to.

-Be a loudmouth.Silence and fear have no place here.And modesty, is not always a virtue.

-And finally, jet lag is very annoying (Writing this at 3am is a testimony to the same).

Self obit

2007-03-04T12:16:00.000+05:30

Came across this a couple of days back.
The article talks about some companies asking you to write a self-obituary as a part of evaluating you, before hiring.

The author writes,
"And there are two sets of perceptions at play in all our lives. One is what we feel about ourselves, our lives, achievements and failures. And the second is what the outside world thinks of us...
..A self-obituary makes you sit up, think of all that you have done and not done. Makes you look at yourself as someone else would, when you are no more."

Personally, I am not very sure if this method will really achieve what it is supposed to.The basic problem with this approach, being the assumption that the person is successfully capable of looking at himself from an outsider's perspective.When you say, you are writing about what the outside world thinks of you, its still more of what you think the outside world thinks about you.It may not necessarily synchronise with actual perception of an outsider.
And thats where I feel,it falters in achieving the desired results.

Notwithstanding the (in)effectiveness of the method, I proceed to write my own obituary like this -
" He was a confused soul all his life (His blog is a testimony to that).
Thoroughout, he was puzzled as to what he actually wanted from life.But for his laziness, he could have scaled greater heights.Complacency was his biggest enemy.
A perfectionist, this quality of his, caused some annoyance to others around him.
Money was the last thing on his wish-list.
As a person, he was slightly the reserved kind and took some time to get along with people.But once he did, he sure was good company to have around.

Now that he is gone, the small world around him has lost a gem from its crown.(I loved this part :-) ).

May his soul rest in peace ! "

I am curious to know, as to what others would actually write in my obituary.

ps: The difficulty I found while writing the self-obituary confirmes the ineffectiveness of the method.
Strange companies and stranger recruitment policies..

Which one

2007-01-25T22:31:00.000+05:30

There is this rather sad realization, that has dawned upon me of late - a nagging sense of under-achievement, that seems to be getting more and more pronounced these days.

Either, I am (ignorantly) expecting myself to do too much in the first place, or, am just not fufilling the cogent expectations that I have of myself (Due to reasons, I know not either).

Am not sure, which one.

Things to learn...

2007-01-22T22:41:00.000+05:30

...from a highly energetic, extremely naughty, and a precocious two year old -

- Try to sleep as less as possible.After all, there are so many things to do, and so little time.
(If a two year old staying at home all day, can find so many innovative ways to pass time, am sure you can do much better. Or, maybe no.)

- Live in the present (Right, this a cliche (Right this a cliche (Right this a cliche.. (Ok, this is an infinite loop))))
(For him, 'present' has a granularity of exactly one second and not more)

- If you are curious about how things work at the elementary level, break them down to pieces.

(Doesn't matter if they cost a few hundred/thousand rupees.What matters is what you learn)

- Never ever, share your 'five-star' with anyone.(Yes, I mean anyone)

- Its good to cry once in a while.
(Especially, if you want your parents to agree with your point of view)

- Treat everyone the same
(He recently adressed a dishelved, dressed-in-rags tramp in a temple, as 'uncle'.The same way, he would address a six-digit salary-earning person).

- If you want something, want it so badly, that you will ultimately get it, by hook or crook.

- And most important of all, keep smiling/laughing. It really makes you look cute.

So, the next time you complicate things for yourself/get bogged down by dogmas, you know what to do - Go, play with a two year old !!!

ps: An added incentive of doing so - it provides the much needed content for a post - for a dry,sullen blog like this, that's swathed in eternal torpor.

Renewed

2006-11-19T20:16:00.000+05:30

Its been three months now since the last update.Was totally blank on thoughts.Felt like writing something, many a times,but had absolutely nothing to.Not that I have much now.The last three months have been pretty much the usual stuff.The routine cycle of work->home->work.But yes,managed to read a couple of good books (I know its late, but thanks Srk for the wonderful book).Also, have started using the treadmill at the office gym.Lets see how far I go with this one.

Next week, one more among my friends is tying the knot (Ah, I ended up talking about marriage again.But given the fact that the previous post on marriage received the maximum number of unique comments, no wonder then, its a hot topic among readers !!!).Talking to her the other day, she remarked how fast, times have changed.And, how the earlier times, somehow always seem to be better than the present.True.Mid School's a lot better than high school.High school, than college.And how college is heaven compared to the hectic work life. Going up this chain then, are we always heading towards the worse ? Scary thought.

Eagerly waiting to see my two year old nephew, next month.The fact that, K also is coming home for his vacations is good news.December,sure sounds exciting.

Mind

2006-08-19T21:08:00.000+05:30

Chanced upon this poem, written some three years ago.Have never actually ventured into poetry after this !!
Now I can't stop laughing, reading at this kiddish piece. But I still like it, as its one of the only two poems I've managed to write in my entire life (I lost the other one, titled 'Life', and in my opinion, that was a much better one).
So, go on and have some fun reading it.

" I discovered a maze christened ‘The Mind’
Any endeavor to conquer it would leave you in a grind.
Abstruse, are the ways of this being-obdurate,
With complex thought processes that intimidate.

Akin to an unfaithful lover,
It can desert you in the lurch forever.
It takes more than just nerves of steel,
To stop it, from galloping on its heel.

The nuances in its functionality are terrific,
But the intricacies of which are esoteric.
Thoughts race through at the speed of light,
Some wrong, some right.

Embedded within, is the power of nuke,
Triumph or failure is never a fluke.
Shun the darkness and stop mimicking the blind,
For, victory and defeat, it’s all in the mind !!! "

Free Will - Really ?

2006-08-10T21:37:00.000+05:30

Have been reading "The Fountainhead" for quite sometime now.The book has some profound thoughts scattered all along.Came across one such piece today.A character in the story,one who's scaled great heights in his profession, talks about free will.
This is what he has to say -
"It's true that there's no such thing as free will.We can't help what we are or what we do.It's not our fault.Nobody's to blame for anything.It's all in your background and...and your glands.If you're good, that's no achievement of yours--you were lucky in your glands.If you're rotten,nobody should punish you--you were unlucky, that's all."

Now, I am not delving into, either justifying the above idea or refuting it. But still, all ye enlightened souls out there, what do you think ?

By the way, found the idea expressed here very very similar to my own take on free will.

Happy Birthday

2006-08-05T19:58:00.000+05:30

Tomorrow, I complete one year of blogging. When I started off, didn't think I would last this long (Not that I have been very active in posting, with about 20 posts in a year - that makes it less than 2 a month).Nevertheless, the fact that I am still posting after an year, is enough to make me glad.
As with experiences in life, you like a few of them and despise the others.On the same lines, I have liked a few of my posts, and, am not very proud of the rest. But overall, it has been a nice experience maintaining a blog.Hopefully, can do more justice to it over the next year.
So, here is wishing, that I atleast improve upon the frequency of posting, if not anything else !!

So, what languages do you know ?

2006-06-30T23:42:00.000+05:30

La lingua è vitale per il processo di pensiero.

Doesn't make sense, does it ? Unless of course, you are from Italy, or you have mastered a course in Italian. Thats because, the above sentence is in Italian.No, I have not taken a fancy to learn the language.I got it translated through google.What it stands for - well,lets come to it a little later.Anyways, you must have got an idea as to what this write-up is about.Right,its about the influence of languages. Their influence, but not as in, them being a communication tool.It is a plain fact that languages are the foundations upon which effective communication is built, and there isn't much here,to ponder upon.

This is about the influence of languages on the very thought process of the human mind. I had this idea quite a few time back, and even had a discussion with a friend (Josh, if you remember). It is quite exhilarating to gauge the power of languages, on your thoughts. To get a feel of this, do this simple exercise now. Try to 'think' of anything you want to.But, on one condition.You must think of something,and that, must not be in any language.Don't bind your thoughts to a language.Try to be independent of it.
Could you ?

Well, atleast for me,I could manage only one thought.That being,"I am not getting any thoughts".Which infact, was again in a particular language. Truly amazing, don't you feel ?
We are so conditioned to 'think' in some language, and, if you are not allowed that luxury, your very thought process undergoes a mutation and you feel stifled. Really, tell me how else would your thoughts manifest correctly, but for the language (The only other thing that comes to my mind is, thinking in terms of pictures).
Now that languages are apparently known to have such a strong impact on your thoughts, is it then possible, that if you 'think' in one language, instead of the other, you will have 'better' thoughts ? That, you could do more, if you chose to think in one particular language ? I know, I know, that sounds a bit far-fetched, but then again, I couldn't help this thought (Which came to me in English !!!).

Regarding the Italian sentence at the beginning, a good guess by now would tell you what it means - "Language is vital for the thought process".

835 Days and 2 Hours Remaining

2006-05-22T20:55:00.000+05:30

That, was the time estimated by XP, to copy around 600 MB of data,when I was writing a CD.Thought it was worth sharing this once-in-a-while marvel, and so here it is (Please click on the image to see the details clearly).

Its another thing,that it was completed in under ten minutes.

Matrimonial tidbits

2006-05-12T20:27:00.000+05:30

Last week, Shekhar,a very good friend of mine got married.His marriage also doubled up as a sort of reunion of my high school friends.Was meeting most of them after a long hiatus, of almost eight years.It was quite a nostalgic experience.We even went down to the details of discussing whom we sat next to,in each of the three years !!! Must say,really felt good to meet old pals after such a long gap.But only wished, a few more had turned up.

He is the third guy in my circle of friends, who have, or either are very close to taking the plunge.Now,I agree there is no peer pressure here.But still, as a passing thought,was just contemplating how close I was,to making the 'dive' myself.Its pathetic.I found out,I am light years away from it.I just don't see it happening in the near future.And, 'near' can have different connotations depending on how long I want it to be.
I mean,lets accept it.I am still a mama's boy and have absolutely no qualms about it.Till now,I have never, ever, felt that 'need' for a companion.There is no void in those terms, that yearns to be filled with companionship.Then,there are no signs of it either.Yes,I have had my share of "crushes", since school through college.But,all those have just been a part of the motley emotions, associated with any growing teenager.Nothing more,nothing less.

And frankly,I am scared like hell when it comes to making such a commitment.Scared,not for my cause,but the other party involved.As far as I know myself, I am a very complex character to get along with,and not all that pliable.So its unfair,to expect someone totally alien to me,to adapt to my capricious ways of life.Agreed,that I also will make certain changes to my behaviour,but as someone said,"Old(Bad) habits die hard".I really pity that soul,who decides to spend the better half of her life (actually more,but its ok considering the literary context of the sentence) with a not-so-better-half like me.So,I have decided to put forth a statutory warning to her before she makes her decision.And no,it won't be as inconspicuous as those, on cigarette packs.But if she still finds me as addictive,that is not my problem.

Come to think of it now,this was not just a passing thought.In reality,it was a 'planted' thought.For quite sometime now,I have a lot of relatives,asking me or my parents,"So,when is it happening ?".On one occasion ,someone even came upto my mom in a function, and this is what ensued.

She: I have a cousin Y,who is eligible.So,I was just wondering if your son.....

Mom: No,actually he is not thinking about it for the next 2-3 years.

Me: 2-3?? Please tell her, not till eternity.

She: Oh,ok ok.But please do tell me when he makes up his mind.

Mom: Yeah, sure.

Me: Yeah, sure.

(Now hoping, Y will never read this).

Okay,I think this thing is getting too egotistical and boring.Will stop it now...

Patriotism ?

2006-04-29T14:32:00.000+05:30

X is a very patriotic person with lot of respect and admiration for his country.He nurtures ambitions of seeing it as one of the top nations in the world, in all respects.The following is an excerpt from the fictious diary of one such person.All though the diary is fictious,the contents draw inspiration from real life.And yes,X could be anyone.Me.You.All of us.

"I saw Rang De Basanti today.Films with patriotic fervour as their main theme have always struck an emotional chord with me.Irrespective of the quality of their presentation,the very idea appeals to me a lot.RDB was no different.It presents the metamorphosis of four protaganists, from being a bunch of nonchalant & frivolous nomads to patriotic zealots, who don't flinch, in doing anything for their country.To the extent, that they sacrifice their very lives in trying to send a message to their compatriots and thus awaken them from their deep slumber.Ofcourse,the methodology and their approach to doing it is questionable.Considering,that they resort to acts of killing the venal politicians and bureaucrats, in their endeavour to set the 'system' right.But,on a personal level,I am not all that averse to their line of thought.Here,I am not advocating violence as the ultimate panacea to all maladies.But only trying to suggest,that I did not find their approach too inappropriate in the current context.

All this jingoism that I seem to be delineating now,is not the aftermath of watching a movie.Only that I am using this as a launchpad to put forth my thoughts on the issue.One may ask,now that I am potraying myself as this staunch idealist,what have 'I', actually done to improve conditions around myself.Though not significantly palpable in the macroscopic scheme of things,these are very small things that have given me satisfaction at a personal level.

Have always tried not to litter the roads/streets with choclate/gum covers.Either have put in the roadside bins or have carried it in pocket and dumped it at home.

Have tried to follow traffic rules scrupulously,even if its as 'trivial' as not crossing the dividing yellow line, or not overshooting the zebra crossing.Have strictly followed one-ways,be it at one in the night or at five in the morning.

At the same time,must admit though,that I have been coerced to do certain things,things which I decry.I also understand that,the above acts are not even close enough to solving the actual problems that we have on hand today.But,they are small steps alright.In the right direction.As they say,'A journey of a thousand steps begins with one step'.I am not aiming for utopia here,but expecting people to do minimalistic things for the betterment of their own country is not unfair,right? Or, is it?

God,let some sense prevail.

On a totally unconnected note,yesterday was one of the momentous days of my life.I got an admit for my Masters, from one of the top schools in the SU.I am flying off from India next month, to complete my higher education,in what will be a potentially rewarding investment for my career ahead.Feeling really elated about it."

Treat

2006-04-10T22:08:00.000+05:30

"A" is leaving to Canada in two weeks, for six months, on an onsite project.So we decided to have the customary treat yesterday.After much speculation about the POA, "Ab" suggested we could go 'go-karting', followed by a dinner. The idea sounded good to the rest and so we(A,Ab,N and me) set out at around 7.00 in the evening.The go-karting was supposed to be near the palace grounds.But after reaching there,we found out that it had been closed for good, a long time back.After "A" had done with cursing "Ab" , we decided to go bowling, as that was the only other choice at Starcity.

Now,I haven't gone bowling in over an year now.I don't even remember the last occassion exactly.So was just little sceptical about my 'form'.But what happened when I took my first attempt, left me more dumbfounded than the others.I got a full STRIKE. Just could not believe that all the pins were down and out !!! And as I tried to trace back my actions during the 'roll' (as to how I could score a strike),it seemed like it was erased from memory.I could only remember getting the ball and going near the line to roll it over.After that, the point in time where I released the ball seemed to have been wiped out from my memory.Felt like I was not entirely there.If this wasn't queer enough,what I experienced in the last attempt was even more "out of the normal".As I gathered the ball for my last 'roll', I could 'see' that I would score a strike this time too.Somehow,it looked very obvious. Then, as I rolled it over the alley,in total arrogance,the ball went in a straight line and knocked over all the pins.
All this might be sounding a little over-the-board, considering it was only a game of bowling.But, for me,the experience was surely a novel one and that kept me thinking for the rest of the time.
Anyways,I could only manage a score of 101,as I became lackadaisical in the later attempts,after scoring an improbable strike in the first roll.Still, came second,next to Ab at 120.

Bowling done,it was time for dinner.Again,Ab was the one who suggested the place.We drove over to Cunningham road, to a place called "Aura" (After the bowling experience,the name suggested something more than just a place) . As we entered the Airconditioned restaurant,I could see the place shrouded in smoke.Initially,we thought it was of the cooking that was happening around there.But we realised,it was actually the smoke from the cigarettes that almost everyone there was smoking.
Then I had this nice little conversation with one of the their waiters.

Me : We would prefer a non-smoking area.

Him(mostly nodding his head) : Yes,this is smoking zone.

Me : No no,we would like a NON-smoking zone.

Him(again, nodding his head) : Yes,you can smoke.

Now,I got a bit annoyed and told the others, in kannada,that we could not possibly have our food amidst this suffocating smoke.Poor guy,he then seemed to have understood our predicament and directed us to an open-air part of the restaurant.Was much better here.All the tables here had candle lights and I assumed,they were mostly for couples.Oh yes,there were mostly couples in this section (Except for one family,which I guess,also could not tolerate the smoke inside).
"A" rued, "I never thought I would have my first candle-light dinner with 3 guys for a company" . The rest of us could only manage a faint chuckle. In the age of " Brokeback Mountain ",I don't think people found it odd enough, for four guys to go on a candle-light dinner. The food was really good though.Had a filling dinner,and on the way back home,Ab and N had some really good ice cream at "Richie Rich".

Two things stood out in this outing.The "experiences" while bowling and the candle-light dinner.
"A",thanks for the treat and wish you a nice time.

LISP in multimedia ?

2006-04-07T20:01:00.000+05:30

With Srk raving about LISP at the slightest opportunity,I was wondering whats so special about it.So decided to have a look at it.Have been going through it, since yesterday.Even downloaded a decent LISP development tool and started off through some online documents and tutorials.Having been used to "imperative programming" for almost 5 years now (since college),found LISP's "functional programming" paradigm totally new.Though I could manage to write very small fragments of code,must admit,still haven't got the hang of it.For instance,things like,how much similar data and procedure are.More about that here.

As a passing thought, was just wondering if LISP could find any application in the multimedia domain (Here,I am mainly referring to applications involving audio and video).Especially, considering that I saw comments about how inefficient LISP is.And how,most multimedia applications require real-time performance. In these scenarios, "abstraction" is the last thing you want,and that, primarily being LISP's USP.So, may be this question itself is a wrong one to ask and totally out of context.
But still,is there something that multimedia can achieve through LISP, that it currently is not able to,being limited by its choice of language.I really don't know.Maybe,only time will tell.

Picasa

2006-03-15T17:30:00.000+05:30

Since I was having a holiday today, spent most of the time surfing the net.In the course of doing so,stumbled upon picasa,and since had nothing else to do,thought of installing it and doing some photo editing for fun. I haven't used any other photo editing software before this,but was truly amazed at what this does.Maybe others are equally good too,but since I was seeing it for the first time,the effects simply surprised me.The above collage is one of those, created using Picasa.You can do a lot better stuff with pictures and are limited only by your creativity and imagination.You can find it here

Basic Instinct

2006-01-06T20:10:00.000+05:30

I haven't seen this 90's erotic Sharon Stone movie.I think it also has a sequel coming up.Well, this post is actually about animal instinct and has got nothing to do with that Sharon stone flick.Far from it.The title is a misnomer and was brilliantly conceived by the author just to create some initial curiousity among the (sparse and infrequent) readers of this blog.

I was watching Discovery channel the other day.I think the programme was "Wild Discovery" and they were showing a cheetah trying to catch a deer.I find it quite thrilling to see this encounter between the predators and their poor victims.Of how the unsuspecting prey is pounced upon by a hungry and sinister beast.And in turn,how it tries to evade getting devoured and runs for its life.
As I was watching such an encounter,a thought struck me.How do animals in general, differentiate or recognise the different species ? I mean, how does a cheetah know that it should kill a deer if its hungry,at the same time not seeing a leopard as a souce of food.

If we look at our mechanism of separating species,it is primarily through visual perception.When we see a dog, we know it is something that doesn't "appear" like us in its physical form and hence we infer that it belongs to a different species.An important prerequisite to arrive at this kind of an inference is,we should be aware of our physical apperance in the first place.Only then,can our mind compare the image of the dog and image of the human form, before concluding that, right,the dog is indeed different from us.
Now,I have a doubt when it comes to animals.I am not sure if they know, how they look like.Yes,they might have seen themselves in the reflection in the water bodies.But it is quite probable that they are not intelligent enough (i guess, most of them) to 'process', 'store' that image in their memory and map it to themselves.So, when you have absolutely no idea of how you look like,and when some other creature comes and stands in front of you,how can you for sure decide, on whether that creature is of your kind or not ? But animals are doing this with amazing precision.So,I assume they are relying on something more, than just visual perception to identify their friends and enemies.Any theories as to what it could be ? Some food for thought...

PS: Since I was not sure of the name of the movie (for the post's title),did some googling.I ended up seeing some of the posters from the movie and yes,they do look quite "tempting".Maybe I will watch the sequel first.

Southern Spice-Part TWO

2005-12-28T20:46:00.000+05:30

Continuing with the trip..

DAY 2

We had planned for Rameshwaram on the second day.Since we had to come back to Madurai the same day after visiting Rameshwaram,we left quite early at about 6.00 in the morning. The weather was extremely good with the overcast conditions providing just the right temperature.
The journey was a pleasant one with the road also being extremely good.Surprisingly,the traffic also was extremely thin.On the way,you get to see a lot of windmills on either side of the road.Strange,considering its not all that windy in this part.After about 3 hours of drive,we reached Rameshwaram.To enter Rameshwaram,you have to cross a bridge thats built on the sea.So,as you travel,you can see the sea on both the sides.

Tradition has it that once you come to Rameshwaram,you must have bath in the holy waters from the 21 wells that one finds here.We kept up with the tradition,and had a bath.(There are people here who pour water drawn from the well on you, at one rupee per well, per person).We paid obeisance to the lord and while returning back saw a couple of places of historic significance.

-The place from where Hanuman is said to have taken a leap to Srilanka.

-Near The bridge which Ram built in order to cross over to Lanka (called "Dhanush Kodi")

-House of Dr A.P.J Abdul Kalam (Yes,this will eventually become a place of historic significance)

After another drive of 3 odd hours,reached back Madurai in the evening.My uncle wanted to buy some sarees for my aunt from Madurai and so a few people from the group went shopping.The rest stayed back in the lodge.Surprisingly he didn't find any suitable one and they came back empty handed.

DAY 3

This was the penultimate day of our trip.Woke up pretty early as we had to catch a 6.30 train to Nagercoil.As we reached the station,our baggage had to pass through an X-Ray machine and we also had to undergo security check,just like in airports.We later realised that this precautionary measure was in view of the Babri Masjid demolition anniversary that falls on December 6.Owing to this fact,the train also was entirely empty.Had a good sleep in the train as Nagercoil was a good 5 hour journey.Reached there at around 12.00 in the afternoon.And yes,it was really humid.What a contrast when compared to the December weather at Bangalore.

Sadly,the temple here was closed for the "session"(can't help the use of the word session.Been watching too much of test cricket these days).It would open only in the evening and since we had other plans,we had to satisfy ourselves only seeing the closed doors.

From Nagercoil,we left for Kanyakumari.Its only about half an hours journey and we then checked into a lodge there.It had a view of the sea and could see the rock from here.After a refreshment,we left for Vivekananda rock in the ferry.Again,as it was December 6th,the crowd was extremely sparse barring for a couple of foreigners.The last time I was here in 2001 with my sister when she had come from US.This visit rekindled fond memories of that trip.Got a bit nostalgic and really missed her.After a brief stay at the rock (I simply love the wind that blows over this place),we returned back to the shore.

By this time,my toe had started hurting badly.I started limping but ignored it, as nothing visible was wrong with it.After some petty shopping by the ladies,we retired to the comfort of our lodge.Though I tried hard to sleep,the pain in the toe reached unbearable proportions.Had a look at it,only to see it swollen badly.Seemed like I had hurt it unknowingly.Then took a painkiller and put my head to rest.

DAY 4

The last day of our trip.Our train to Bangalore was scheduled at 10.30.Since we still had not visited the temple we made a rush to it.The idol of the goddess here is one of the most beautiful idols.She has an innocent face and you will just fall in love with it.Added to it,her sparkling nose-ring simply enchants you.

The rest of the day was spent entirely in the train.It was very hot thoroughout the journey.Not because of the presence of some "goddess" in the compartment (I have always been unlucky on this account),but because of the sweltering heat in Kerala,and this was the route that the train took.

After about 20 hours of train journey,we reached Bangalore the next morning at around 8.00.All in all,a wonderful trip that would remain in my memory for quite some time....

Southern Spice - Part ONE

2005-12-13T22:04:00.000+05:30

My uncle(dad's younger bro) had come from the US a couple of weeks back to attend one of his conferences here.He got me a Canon Powershot A520, 4.0 MP digital camera.Its really a beauty with so many features.I still haven't even gone through all of them.
He was then free the whole of last week and dad planned for a south india tour.And so, I took the whole week off from work.
Armed with the Powershot,the eight of us left for Trichy the previous saturday by Tanjavur express.It was quite some time now that I had travelled in a train, and was pretty happy about it.For me,train is the best mode of transport, as I find bus travel too boring and the pressure variations in the aircraft a pain in the ears.

DAY-1
We reached Trichy early morning the next day at around 4.30.A scorpio (arranged from here itself) was waiting in the station that took us to our lodge.A pretty decent one.Thanks to "Baaz", there was a faint drizzle and we were quite scared, if the rain would ruin our grand plans.
After refreshing and a moderate breakfast ,we left for Srirangam in a qualis that we managed to book in Trichy.On the way,we also visited a ganesha temple by name "Uchhi-pilliar".Pilliar in tamil refers to lord ganesha.The temple was at an elevation and one could see the whole of Trichy town from there.A worthwhile scene.
I had been to Srirangam around 10 years back and had vague memories about it.After worshipping to a dozen deities there,we left Srirangam at around 1.00 in the afternoon.It was already lunch time and so we finished our lunch there itself.The best part about Tamil Nadu, apart from the grandiose temples, is the amazing food that you get there.And if you are hungry on top of that, its pure bliss.

Our next stop was Madurai.It seemed like our prayers must have pleased the gods,for Baaz spared us of its fury and took its course towards nothern Tamil Nadu and AP.We had a smooth ride throughout the 3 hour journey except that when we had almost reached madurai,one of the tyres got punctured.The fact that it happened right in front of a puncture repairing shop suggested more than just a coincidence.We had tea at a roadside shop as the driver got the tyre repaired.Resuming our journey, we reached Madurai at around 5.30 in the evening.

The Meenakshi temple there is simply outstanding in terms of its gopurams.No temple,I have ever seen, has such magnificient gopurams.I was amazed the last time I saw them and that continued even this time around.
It,being a sunday there was a quite a crowd and we had to wait almost an hour before we could have our darshan.While in the queue,my uncle asked me an interesting question which my cousin had asked him.

Does Hinduism support evolution (as proposed by Darwin) ?
That basically translated, as to what was Hinduism's idea of creation of the universe.Though he seemed to suggest that it did,I have my own doubts regarding that.

After some photo sessions at the temple we retired to our lodge after another lipsmacking round of dinner.That was pretty much about how DAY-1 was spent.
Rest of the trip in a subsequent post.

Me,a Chameleon ?

2005-11-25T20:14:00.000+05:30

This is my aura...
Crystals have clear auras and are known as the "aura chameleons." Like chameleons, their auras will change colors to match those of the people they are connecting with at the time. They then take on the characteristics, behavior patterns, emotions and thoughts of that color.

What Is Your True Aura Colour?

String Theory

2005-09-24T17:57:00.000+05:30

Its been quite some time now,since I last blogged.Thanks to the hectic schedule at work and also for the fact, that nothing interesting happened after the rest room mania.Well,I have something to write now.

I really wish I could write something about the actual string theory.But,I am not qualified enough to talk about that.The strings I am referring to are those of a GUItar.If you are wondering why I have written guitar in that particular fashion,its on the lines of a tool in linux.That is also called guitar, meaning, its a GUI for the "tar" command.An intelligent way of naming software.And,I am not far behind either when it comes to naming them,as 022 affirms.

Life was getting too monotonous and I thought something must be done about it.After contemplating on the different avenues that I had (actually,I could think of none), I zeroed in on,what else, but music.I decided that I must learn some instrument.Given my singing prowess, I would have a started a new genre of music had I opted for vocal.But then,whats the point if the audience is not erudite enough to understand what I am singing.So, decided against it.

Then came the question of selecting an instrument.Actually,I was not particular about anything.In fact,I have liked all the instruments that I have heard till date.But yes,I did have some special inclination towards violin and other stringed instruments in general(Veena,Mandolin and Sarod being the other favourites).I have never been a follower of english music, which is where the guitar is used heavily and so never gave any importance to actually hearing it.Although, our Indian movies also have adopted it in a big way in recent times.

When I went with josh to the guitar class where he was getting himself admitted,I heard for the first time,the instrument being played there,live.The tutor was playing a hindi song and I was bowled over.Guitar,then became my obvious choice and I joined classes last week.As of now,I am just playing the open strings and already, it feels good.Can't wait for the day when I can play all those hindi songs that I have just been humming all these years.Till then,I shall keep strumming.

Rest room mania

2005-09-03T19:44:00.000+05:30

The place where I am working right now has a stunning building.Extremely aesthetic and "happening".I like everything about that place,but for one thing.I feel it has one major flaw in its design. On every floor, the women's rest room is right next to the door that leads to the stairs.Ever since I observed this, I had been wondering,what if some male inadvertently opens the wrong door !!! I used to amuse myself imagining the situation and the plight of that poor guy.

Slightly digressing from the topic, any guesses why "Rest room" is termed so ? If I were asked, it should aptly be christened as "Relieving room".

Coming back,my imagination actually,well, almost turned into a reality a couple of days back. And as luck would have it,the poor guy turned out to be your's truly.Yes, it happened to me (Maybe I can send this to Tinkle to publish it in their "It happened to me" section). After lunch,I was getting back to my cube. I was in the ground floor and since my cube is only in the second floor,I thought of using the stairs to get there.

As I was about to open the door which I thought was, to get to the stairs,a woman was coming from the other side of it. For reasons that I could not fathom(at that time),she was staring at me as she passed by.Then it was sheer providence, that just before I pushed the door open,I callously raised my head,and to my horror found "WOMEN" written on it in bold red. Lost in some thoughts, I had moved past the door that led to the steps. My immediate reaction was, "Oh-my-god,is somebody watching me ?".I was too scared even to look around.I almost ran towards the stairs and would still like to believe that nobody was present there.

As for the woman who was staring at me,I don't remember her face.I wish I did.Atleast,then I could evade her because I am sure she will exactly remember my face,and that too with the resolution of a picture taken from a 5M pixel digital camera.Or, I will know when a woman again stares at me.But,I must be careful from now on..

So far,so good

2005-08-30T22:25:00.000+05:30

Pehla Nasha,Pehla Khumar... No,no, I have not fallen in love (I am generally scared of falling and the same holds even in case of 'falling in love').That was the alarm tone on my mobile that went off at 5.45 early(very very early for me)today morning.After much trepidation & self-cursing, managed to pull myself out of the bed.The reason why I was behaving like a masochist was because of an impulsive decision that I took yesterday.This decision was, courtesy my increasing waistline.You can compare its growth with the rate at which petrol prices are going up in Bangalore.And that is quite high for comfort(Literally in this case,as I found out my pants were getting tighter around my waist).So,I finally decided to do something about it.

The best and the cost-effective way,I thought,to acheive this would be - jogging.
I called up one of my friends in the night yesterday and told him about my decision.He seemed quite inspired and promised that he too would join me today.I found out,he was not all that inspired, for he did not turn up today morning.But not to be deterred by this,I upheld my decision and started out alone.Being the first day,I thought a brisk walk would be advisable rather starting jogging right away.At that, I clocked a good speed too.Then I made a mistake of over-estimating myself.Thought why not jog from day one - after all,that was my decision in the first place.
Its about time to sleep now and I am having quite a pain in my legs and knees.
But I am not going to give up so easily.In Swami Vivekananda's words, "Arise,awake and stop not till the goal is reached".So,I will arise and awake very very early(you know what time) every morning and jog till my goal is reached.

Its been "So far,so good".Only that "So far" here refers to only one day.But I really plan to go far tomorrow morning.The alarm is again set at 5.45 and the clock is ticking.Pehla Nasha,Pehla Khumar...

One simple question

2005-08-21T00:04:00.000+05:30

The question is rather simple, but I am not sure if the answer is all that obvious.
" Why do we think the way we think ? "

I recently read an article that talked about the "cosmic law" as proposed by the Buddha. According to this law, all that is happening was just meant to happen that way.It could not have happened otherwise.It goes on to conclude that one should not have any hatred towards someone for something bad that he did to you, because whatever happened to you simply had to happen and that person was merely following the cosmic law to generate that event.

Now, as a fall out of that argument can it be implied that the effect was already decided ? Then, the cause was so generated as to produce the required effect. In summary, the effect was the cause for the cause to produce the effect.The "principle of causality" is violated in this case and there remains little distinction between cause and effect.

I have read in a number of places that "you are what you think you are" and other such numerous versions of the above statement that basically translate into "You can become what you choose to become".Agreed.

But,at the cost of repitition,my simple question is "Why did we think in a particular way".Why does a winner think that he can win and on the same lines why does a loser think that he will lose.
Building upon the cosmic law, can it be argued that the winner was already chosen and his thought process, was merely in a manner, conducive for him to win ? (Though I don't know what algorithm is used to choose the winner !!)

Is it possible that we already have our destinies decided and we think in a given way in order to fulfill that destiny ? I know that sounds kind of a defeatist attitude where you are accepting that things are not actually under your control.But could it be the truth.I don't know....

022

2005-08-09T15:25:00.000+05:30

This is not a post, as to why Mumbai has 022 as its dialing code. 022 is the name of the utility that I concocted during the spare time at work that I am having these days.
It stands for “ 0 to(2) 2 ”,with 0 as in 4:2:0 and 2 as in 4:2:2. Now, 4:2:0 and 4:2:2 are two formats for representing raw video data in digital format. The three numbers represent the luminance (Y), and chrominance (U, V) information respectively. The difference between them is in the amount of chroma information that is stored. In 4:2:0, the resolution of the chroma samples is halved in both the vertical and horizontal directions. For instance if your luma information is represented as 176 x 144 pixels, each of the chroma samples, U and V are 88 x 72 pixels. On the other hand (It feels quite funny to use this expression – “On the other hand”, but nevertheless..), in 4:2:2 the chroma samples are halved in only the horizontal direction. So in 4:2:2 , the chroma samples are 88 x 144 pixels each. Then there is also the 4:4:4 format where the amount of chroma information stored is the same as the amount of luma stored. The chroma information, then, in 4:4:4 is 176 x 144 pixels. Don’t bother too much about why the number “4” is used to represent the various formats. There is some reason, which I cannot recollect right now. Its not too significant in this context,either.

So what is the fuss about having so many different formats to store the YUV. Supposedly, the human eye is more sensitive to the luminance aspect of an image than the chroma information. To take advantage of this weakness, they have resorted to the various formats. An image in 4:2:0 requires half the number of bytes than that required by an image in 4:4:4 without much loss (actually any) in visual perception.

Finally, what does 022 do. Not much actually. It takes a YUV file in 4:2:0 format and converts it into 4:2:2. How does it do it? Well there are a number of ways like interpolation, replication and so forth. 022 being simple, just uses the replication method wherein the pixels are replicated line by line vertically. There, you have the 4:2:2 file as output. This talks about converting from 4:2:0 to 4:2:2 using interpolation.

In all probability, this could be my first and last post on a technical issue. There are sites reserved for technical discussions and I feel this is not the right place. You can interpret that, as a euphemism for saying, “ I am dumb, so please do not expect anything technical from me”.

Mirage

2005-08-07T18:18:00.000+05:30

Wrote this article a long time ago.Thought of posting it here and this is how it goes...

Why is it that we find so many people around, whining every moment? They desire to possess the best things under the sun. Why does the human mind always crave for the good? Nothing but only the best can satiate its thirst. Even as I write this piece, a part of my mind is already ‘craving’ for the adulation that I would get, if this chunk of text can impress upon an august audience. Why do we always want to succeed? Oblivious to the fact that failures are a part of life, we cannot accept any failures in our professional or personal lives. It is a rarity to find someone ‘pleased’ at his inability to do something. Status, wealth, and fame…the ‘most wanted’ ingredients in the recipe for a so-called ‘successful life’ go on.

Precisely speaking, there is no formal definition of a successful life. It is all left to your perception as to what you see in a successful person. It is nowhere stated that the person who the makes the greatest of discoveries or the richest man alive can be termed ‘successful’. That makes success a subjective issue. You see a sweeper who relentlessly goes about doing his mundane job, as successful and so he becomes. But that again, is only your perception. The world might not even be aware of his existence.

Then what is it that makes success a common or a disparate perception? Ostensibly, success stems from the ability to do something that others have not been able to attempt or have failed if they have done so. When people fail to understand your work you have good chances of being labeled successful!! For instance, I might be a ‘successful’ writer for someone, not very adept at the English language. At the same instant, the author of a best seller could tag me a ‘miserable failure’ at writing. Consequently, success or failure is only relative. There is no yardstick to measure your success. It is like a mirage you encounter in the blistering heat of the desert. The moment you feel you have reached it, it has eluded you.

That teaches us an important lesson. Do not run after success, just like you should not be running away from failure. That is because, it is just like trying to breathe in vacuum. There is no air and you wish to breathe? You will not find success or failure in your lives no matter how fast and how far you run. They are non-existent entities in reality, which find place only in your minds in the form of an illusion. The only reality is YOU and your duties in life.

If only everybody, myself included on top of the list could realize this, the world would be a much better place to stay in. Ah! There goes the mind again craving for better things. You cannot correct the mind, can you?

I am infected...

2005-08-06T13:18:00.000+05:30

Yes,the blogging bug has finally hit me.I never thought that I would get into this thing.But here I am.I am trying to follow the simple-yet-so-complex zen philosophy, "Eat when you are hungry and sleep when you feel sleepy". I am feeling like blogging now,and so this post.But I don't know if I will have the enthusiasm to keep going and it doesn't matter.

I must admit, the very process of creating a blog was extremely irritating.Without exaggeration,I must have typed atleast 30 different names for the username. 'mighty duck', 'memd', 'thisisbad', 'ksrisgod' were some of my unsuccessful attempts at creating a valid username.Much to my consternation, none of them were available. Then, almost pleadingly, I just gave in 'whatnamedoigive' as the input, and lo and behold !!,it was available.So you see, the very process of not getting something, got me that very thing.Much,like in life,I guess. The moment you let go of something, you acquire it.

So much so for my very first post.