Is (repeated) failure, the cause, or the effect of a lack of self-belief ?
Or, are they totally independent ?
Or, do they a form a vicious circle ?
If yes, how do you break it ?
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
25 not out, well just
Ok, so today is my 25th birthday. What big achievement in that you might ask ? Quite right, not an achievement in any sense. But as D remarked yesterday, an important milestone in the sense that it marks almost fifty percent of a lifetime.(According to her, we live only till around 60.Am not quite sure about that though).
So, what have I done special in this time ?
- I have not scored 41 ODI centuries
- I am not a chess grandmaster
- I haven't won the "young scientist of the year " award.
- I haven't been nominated for the booker prize.
- I don't have a Master's degree (Which is like, the norm these days)
- I don't have a patent to my name (But very proud of josh who does.)
(ps: Sam, I had written this even before you came.Brilliant coincidence that you actually came)
There you see, I actually haven't "achieved" anything as such (Of course, the above list is not exhaustive and only indicative, just so that you get the drift).
But yes, I would like to think that, over the years, I have provided moments of joy and pleasure, at least to a limited set of people, comprising mostly of my parents, a lovely sister and a few good friends.And for me, that qualifies as some achievement.
Only, there is one big regret that, personally I haven't 'enjoyed' the journey so far in the real sense. This is one anamoly, I would love to correct as the next phase in life begins.
And how was my day like ?
- Lots of wishes throughout the day, from people who really matter in my life.
- Thanks to a colleague, an expanded set of people at office got to know about the day. But felt a little uncomfortable with the extra attention.
- Left early, only to get stuck in a terrible jam.
- Cut a small blackforest cake. Yes, I am 25. So ?
(At this moment, josh made a totally unexpected arrival which was thrilling to say).
As I write this, its raining like its never done before.I take it, as a blessing from the heavens.
Yeah alright, I know its the rainy season, but there is nothing wrong in being a little self-centered on your birthday, is it ?
So, what have I done special in this time ?
- I have not scored 41 ODI centuries
- I am not a chess grandmaster
- I haven't won the "young scientist of the year " award.
- I haven't been nominated for the booker prize.
- I don't have a Master's degree (Which is like, the norm these days)
- I don't have a patent to my name (But very proud of josh who does.)
(ps: Sam, I had written this even before you came.Brilliant coincidence that you actually came)
There you see, I actually haven't "achieved" anything as such (Of course, the above list is not exhaustive and only indicative, just so that you get the drift).
But yes, I would like to think that, over the years, I have provided moments of joy and pleasure, at least to a limited set of people, comprising mostly of my parents, a lovely sister and a few good friends.And for me, that qualifies as some achievement.
Only, there is one big regret that, personally I haven't 'enjoyed' the journey so far in the real sense. This is one anamoly, I would love to correct as the next phase in life begins.
And how was my day like ?
- Lots of wishes throughout the day, from people who really matter in my life.
- Thanks to a colleague, an expanded set of people at office got to know about the day. But felt a little uncomfortable with the extra attention.
- Left early, only to get stuck in a terrible jam.
- Cut a small blackforest cake. Yes, I am 25. So ?
(At this moment, josh made a totally unexpected arrival which was thrilling to say).
As I write this, its raining like its never done before.I take it, as a blessing from the heavens.
Yeah alright, I know its the rainy season, but there is nothing wrong in being a little self-centered on your birthday, is it ?
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Of teachers and their methods
I have been reading Swami Vivekananda's articles and teachings for close to six years now. And I am in complete awe of the swami. His fearlessness, freedom in action and thought are remarkable.Everything about him truly suggests a manifestation of god.His fervent calls to the youth appealing to remain strong, fearless and to express the inherent divinity, have always been inspiring.I have relished most of his thoughts and ideas, and always felt he was the ultimate teacher.
Until recently that is. Upon a reflection of the recent past, I have come to realize that, with his teachings there was a pressure to 'perform', if I may say so.Things like assuming total responsiblity for one' s destiny, strength even in crisis, asserting one's divinity (and many others) were difficult 'tests'(atleast for me), failing which, induced a guilt feeling. And when you respect someone so much, failing his teachings feels as bad as failing the person himself.
I really don't know why, but all these days I never got down to reading the gospel of the teacher's teacher himself - Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa.But I am glad I did it now. There is so much solace in his teachings.Not that they are any easier than the Swamiji's, but they are more 'in-sync' with my personal beliefs regarding many of the things in life. I am not saying that I have found complete peace of mind now.I still have my moments/days of doubt and anxiety, but amidst all these, there is a sense of calmness, once I begin to understand the source of such trepidations.
I am not out to say that swamiji's teachings are inferior to the master's or that they have counter productive effects.Its just that like so many things in life - some suit your personality, some don't, the same is with teaching.You have to choose what best suits you.
For me, I think I've found the ultimate teacher.
Until recently that is. Upon a reflection of the recent past, I have come to realize that, with his teachings there was a pressure to 'perform', if I may say so.Things like assuming total responsiblity for one' s destiny, strength even in crisis, asserting one's divinity (and many others) were difficult 'tests'(atleast for me), failing which, induced a guilt feeling. And when you respect someone so much, failing his teachings feels as bad as failing the person himself.
I really don't know why, but all these days I never got down to reading the gospel of the teacher's teacher himself - Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa.But I am glad I did it now. There is so much solace in his teachings.Not that they are any easier than the Swamiji's, but they are more 'in-sync' with my personal beliefs regarding many of the things in life. I am not saying that I have found complete peace of mind now.I still have my moments/days of doubt and anxiety, but amidst all these, there is a sense of calmness, once I begin to understand the source of such trepidations.
I am not out to say that swamiji's teachings are inferior to the master's or that they have counter productive effects.Its just that like so many things in life - some suit your personality, some don't, the same is with teaching.You have to choose what best suits you.
For me, I think I've found the ultimate teacher.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Heights
In tune with last week's trend, the distorted sleeping pattern continues this week too.Keep waking up at 5.30, no matter how late I sleep - even as late 12-12.30.And for someone who needs to sleep at least eight hours, this is definitely troublesome.Today was one such day again.And in one of those half sleep-half awake states, this thought actually crossed my mind as one of the serious options -
"Sh*t, I should set the waking time to 6.30 and recompile the code, so that this does not repeat tomorrow".
What, is happening to me ?
"Sh*t, I should set the waking time to 6.30 and recompile the code, so that this does not repeat tomorrow".
What, is happening to me ?
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Simply Don't Understand
Why do always, only men have to propose
Now, don't rack your brains trying to read in between the lines, err, words. (There's only one line there).That, is simply one of the countless inane thoughts, I am getting these days.There is nothing 'interesting' of that sort happening in life.
On the contrary, my mind is in a complete mess over most things in life - future,career, ambition (or the lack of it) and so forth.Have been sleep deprived for the past couple of days, and have been experiencing atrocious mood-swings, of late.Maybe I should go see a lawyer.No.A carpenter, no wait.Ah yes, a doctor, thats him.There, you get a gist of what I going through.I just want to forget everything, pack my bags and go on a month-long road trip all alone,I don't know to where.
On second thoughts, you may rack your brains.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Just like that
"People in glass houses should not throw stones at other's houses", she remarked.
He built a brick wall around.
On other things, in my opinion, the biggest tragedy that can strike a man in his lifetime is, his own inability to understand what he truly wants from life.
What else can be more painful, than seeing a man struggle all his life, even to find out where he wants to head to.
Thats why, I envy people like these and these ;
and each such person, who is fortunate enough to be able to listen to his heart, and has the courage to follow what it says.
Do you know, what you want in life ?
He built a brick wall around.
On other things, in my opinion, the biggest tragedy that can strike a man in his lifetime is, his own inability to understand what he truly wants from life.
What else can be more painful, than seeing a man struggle all his life, even to find out where he wants to head to.
Thats why, I envy people like these and these ;
and each such person, who is fortunate enough to be able to listen to his heart, and has the courage to follow what it says.
Do you know, what you want in life ?
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Learnings
My month long trip outside India has enlightened me on the following accounts.
- I cannot survive outside India for a long time.
- I realized how weak I am,mentally(This was the most critical learning of this sojourn.Need to reflect a lot on this, if I am to get anywhere forward in life).
-There are a lot of backstabbers around.Be careful henceforth, when dealing with people.
-When things go wrong,and the buck (wrongly) stops at you, find someone else to pass it to.
-Be a loudmouth.Silence and fear have no place here.And modesty, is not always a virtue.
-And finally, jet lag is very annoying (Writing this at 3am is a testimony to the same).
- I cannot survive outside India for a long time.
- I realized how weak I am,mentally(This was the most critical learning of this sojourn.Need to reflect a lot on this, if I am to get anywhere forward in life).
-There are a lot of backstabbers around.Be careful henceforth, when dealing with people.
-When things go wrong,and the buck (wrongly) stops at you, find someone else to pass it to.
-Be a loudmouth.Silence and fear have no place here.And modesty, is not always a virtue.
-And finally, jet lag is very annoying (Writing this at 3am is a testimony to the same).
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Self obit
Came across this a couple of days back.
The article talks about some companies asking you to write a self-obituary as a part of evaluating you, before hiring.
The author writes,
"And there are two sets of perceptions at play in all our lives. One is what we feel about ourselves, our lives, achievements and failures. And the second is what the outside world thinks of us...
..A self-obituary makes you sit up, think of all that you have done and not done. Makes you look at yourself as someone else would, when you are no more."
Personally, I am not very sure if this method will really achieve what it is supposed to.The basic problem with this approach, being the assumption that the person is successfully capable of looking at himself from an outsider's perspective.When you say, you are writing about what the outside world thinks of you, its still more of what you think the outside world thinks about you.It may not necessarily synchronise with actual perception of an outsider.
And thats where I feel,it falters in achieving the desired results.
Notwithstanding the (in)effectiveness of the method, I proceed to write my own obituary like this -
" He was a confused soul all his life (His blog is a testimony to that).
Thoroughout, he was puzzled as to what he actually wanted from life.But for his laziness, he could have scaled greater heights.Complacency was his biggest enemy.
A perfectionist, this quality of his, caused some annoyance to others around him.
Money was the last thing on his wish-list.
As a person, he was slightly the reserved kind and took some time to get along with people.But once he did, he sure was good company to have around.
Now that he is gone, the small world around him has lost a gem from its crown.(I loved this part :-) ).
May his soul rest in peace ! "
I am curious to know, as to what others would actually write in my obituary.
ps: The difficulty I found while writing the self-obituary confirmes the ineffectiveness of the method.
Strange companies and stranger recruitment policies..
The article talks about some companies asking you to write a self-obituary as a part of evaluating you, before hiring.
The author writes,
"And there are two sets of perceptions at play in all our lives. One is what we feel about ourselves, our lives, achievements and failures. And the second is what the outside world thinks of us...
..A self-obituary makes you sit up, think of all that you have done and not done. Makes you look at yourself as someone else would, when you are no more."
Personally, I am not very sure if this method will really achieve what it is supposed to.The basic problem with this approach, being the assumption that the person is successfully capable of looking at himself from an outsider's perspective.When you say, you are writing about what the outside world thinks of you, its still more of what you think the outside world thinks about you.It may not necessarily synchronise with actual perception of an outsider.
And thats where I feel,it falters in achieving the desired results.
Notwithstanding the (in)effectiveness of the method, I proceed to write my own obituary like this -
" He was a confused soul all his life (His blog is a testimony to that).
Thoroughout, he was puzzled as to what he actually wanted from life.But for his laziness, he could have scaled greater heights.Complacency was his biggest enemy.
A perfectionist, this quality of his, caused some annoyance to others around him.
Money was the last thing on his wish-list.
As a person, he was slightly the reserved kind and took some time to get along with people.But once he did, he sure was good company to have around.
Now that he is gone, the small world around him has lost a gem from its crown.(I loved this part :-) ).
May his soul rest in peace ! "
I am curious to know, as to what others would actually write in my obituary.
ps: The difficulty I found while writing the self-obituary confirmes the ineffectiveness of the method.
Strange companies and stranger recruitment policies..
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Which one
There is this rather sad realization, that has dawned upon me of late - a nagging sense of under-achievement, that seems to be getting more and more pronounced these days.
Either, I am (ignorantly) expecting myself to do too much in the first place, or, am just not fufilling the cogent expectations that I have of myself (Due to reasons, I know not either).
Am not sure, which one.
Either, I am (ignorantly) expecting myself to do too much in the first place, or, am just not fufilling the cogent expectations that I have of myself (Due to reasons, I know not either).
Am not sure, which one.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Things to learn...
...from a highly energetic, extremely naughty, and a precocious two year old -
- Try to sleep as less as possible.After all, there are so many things to do, and so little time.
(If a two year old staying at home all day, can find so many innovative ways to pass time, am sure you can do much better. Or, maybe no.)
- Live in the present (Right, this a cliche (Right this a cliche (Right this a cliche.. (Ok, this is an infinite loop))))
(For him, 'present' has a granularity of exactly one second and not more)
- If you are curious about how things work at the elementary level, break them down to pieces.
- Try to sleep as less as possible.After all, there are so many things to do, and so little time.
(If a two year old staying at home all day, can find so many innovative ways to pass time, am sure you can do much better. Or, maybe no.)
- Live in the present (Right, this a cliche (Right this a cliche (Right this a cliche.. (Ok, this is an infinite loop))))
(For him, 'present' has a granularity of exactly one second and not more)
- If you are curious about how things work at the elementary level, break them down to pieces.
(Doesn't matter if they cost a few hundred/thousand rupees.What matters is what you learn)
- Never ever, share your 'five-star' with anyone.(Yes, I mean anyone)
- Its good to cry once in a while.
(Especially, if you want your parents to agree with your point of view)
- Treat everyone the same
(He recently adressed a dishelved, dressed-in-rags tramp in a temple, as 'uncle'.The same way, he would address a six-digit salary-earning person).
- If you want something, want it so badly, that you will ultimately get it, by hook or crook.
- And most important of all, keep smiling/laughing. It really makes you look cute.
So, the next time you complicate things for yourself/get bogged down by dogmas, you know what to do - Go, play with a two year old !!!
ps: An added incentive of doing so - it provides the much needed content for a post - for a dry,sullen blog like this, that's swathed in eternal torpor.
- Never ever, share your 'five-star' with anyone.(Yes, I mean anyone)
- Its good to cry once in a while.
(Especially, if you want your parents to agree with your point of view)
- Treat everyone the same
(He recently adressed a dishelved, dressed-in-rags tramp in a temple, as 'uncle'.The same way, he would address a six-digit salary-earning person).
- If you want something, want it so badly, that you will ultimately get it, by hook or crook.
- And most important of all, keep smiling/laughing. It really makes you look cute.
So, the next time you complicate things for yourself/get bogged down by dogmas, you know what to do - Go, play with a two year old !!!
ps: An added incentive of doing so - it provides the much needed content for a post - for a dry,sullen blog like this, that's swathed in eternal torpor.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Renewed
Its been three months now since the last update.Was totally blank on thoughts.Felt like writing something, many a times,but had absolutely nothing to.Not that I have much now.The last three months have been pretty much the usual stuff.The routine cycle of work->home->work.But yes,managed to read a couple of good books (I know its late, but thanks Srk for the wonderful book).Also, have started using the treadmill at the office gym.Lets see how far I go with this one.
Next week, one more among my friends is tying the knot (Ah, I ended up talking about marriage again.But given the fact that the previous post on marriage received the maximum number of unique comments, no wonder then, its a hot topic among readers !!!).Talking to her the other day, she remarked how fast, times have changed.And, how the earlier times, somehow always seem to be better than the present.True.Mid School's a lot better than high school.High school, than college.And how college is heaven compared to the hectic work life. Going up this chain then, are we always heading towards the worse ? Scary thought.
Eagerly waiting to see my two year old nephew, next month.The fact that, K also is coming home for his vacations is good news.December,sure sounds exciting.
Next week, one more among my friends is tying the knot (Ah, I ended up talking about marriage again.But given the fact that the previous post on marriage received the maximum number of unique comments, no wonder then, its a hot topic among readers !!!).Talking to her the other day, she remarked how fast, times have changed.And, how the earlier times, somehow always seem to be better than the present.True.Mid School's a lot better than high school.High school, than college.And how college is heaven compared to the hectic work life. Going up this chain then, are we always heading towards the worse ? Scary thought.
Eagerly waiting to see my two year old nephew, next month.The fact that, K also is coming home for his vacations is good news.December,sure sounds exciting.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Mind
Chanced upon this poem, written some three years ago.Have never actually ventured into poetry after this !!
Now I can't stop laughing, reading at this kiddish piece. But I still like it, as its one of the only two poems I've managed to write in my entire life (I lost the other one, titled 'Life', and in my opinion, that was a much better one).
So, go on and have some fun reading it.
" I discovered a maze christened ‘The Mind’
Any endeavor to conquer it would leave you in a grind.
Abstruse, are the ways of this being-obdurate,
With complex thought processes that intimidate.
Akin to an unfaithful lover,
It can desert you in the lurch forever.
It takes more than just nerves of steel,
To stop it, from galloping on its heel.
The nuances in its functionality are terrific,
But the intricacies of which are esoteric.
Thoughts race through at the speed of light,
Some wrong, some right.
Embedded within, is the power of nuke,
Triumph or failure is never a fluke.
Shun the darkness and stop mimicking the blind,
For, victory and defeat, it’s all in the mind !!! "
Now I can't stop laughing, reading at this kiddish piece. But I still like it, as its one of the only two poems I've managed to write in my entire life (I lost the other one, titled 'Life', and in my opinion, that was a much better one).
So, go on and have some fun reading it.
" I discovered a maze christened ‘The Mind’
Any endeavor to conquer it would leave you in a grind.
Abstruse, are the ways of this being-obdurate,
With complex thought processes that intimidate.
Akin to an unfaithful lover,
It can desert you in the lurch forever.
It takes more than just nerves of steel,
To stop it, from galloping on its heel.
The nuances in its functionality are terrific,
But the intricacies of which are esoteric.
Thoughts race through at the speed of light,
Some wrong, some right.
Embedded within, is the power of nuke,
Triumph or failure is never a fluke.
Shun the darkness and stop mimicking the blind,
For, victory and defeat, it’s all in the mind !!! "
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Free Will - Really ?
Have been reading "The Fountainhead" for quite sometime now.The book has some profound thoughts scattered all along.Came across one such piece today.A character in the story,one who's scaled great heights in his profession, talks about free will.
This is what he has to say -
"It's true that there's no such thing as free will.We can't help what we are or what we do.It's not our fault.Nobody's to blame for anything.It's all in your background and...and your glands.If you're good, that's no achievement of yours--you were lucky in your glands.If you're rotten,nobody should punish you--you were unlucky, that's all."
Now, I am not delving into, either justifying the above idea or refuting it. But still, all ye enlightened souls out there, what do you think ?
By the way, found the idea expressed here very very similar to my own take on free will.
This is what he has to say -
"It's true that there's no such thing as free will.We can't help what we are or what we do.It's not our fault.Nobody's to blame for anything.It's all in your background and...and your glands.If you're good, that's no achievement of yours--you were lucky in your glands.If you're rotten,nobody should punish you--you were unlucky, that's all."
Now, I am not delving into, either justifying the above idea or refuting it. But still, all ye enlightened souls out there, what do you think ?
By the way, found the idea expressed here very very similar to my own take on free will.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Happy Birthday
Tomorrow, I complete one year of blogging. When I started off, didn't think I would last this long (Not that I have been very active in posting, with about 20 posts in a year - that makes it less than 2 a month).Nevertheless, the fact that I am still posting after an year, is enough to make me glad.
As with experiences in life, you like a few of them and despise the others.On the same lines, I have liked a few of my posts, and, am not very proud of the rest. But overall, it has been a nice experience maintaining a blog.Hopefully, can do more justice to it over the next year.
So, here is wishing, that I atleast improve upon the frequency of posting, if not anything else !!
As with experiences in life, you like a few of them and despise the others.On the same lines, I have liked a few of my posts, and, am not very proud of the rest. But overall, it has been a nice experience maintaining a blog.Hopefully, can do more justice to it over the next year.
So, here is wishing, that I atleast improve upon the frequency of posting, if not anything else !!
Friday, June 30, 2006
So, what languages do you know ?
La lingua รจ vitale per il processo di pensiero.
Doesn't make sense, does it ? Unless of course, you are from Italy, or you have mastered a course in Italian. Thats because, the above sentence is in Italian.No, I have not taken a fancy to learn the language.I got it translated through google.What it stands for - well,lets come to it a little later.Anyways, you must have got an idea as to what this write-up is about.Right,its about the influence of languages. Their influence, but not as in, them being a communication tool.It is a plain fact that languages are the foundations upon which effective communication is built, and there isn't much here,to ponder upon.
This is about the influence of languages on the very thought process of the human mind. I had this idea quite a few time back, and even had a discussion with a friend (Josh, if you remember). It is quite exhilarating to gauge the power of languages, on your thoughts. To get a feel of this, do this simple exercise now. Try to 'think' of anything you want to.But, on one condition.You must think of something,and that, must not be in any language.Don't bind your thoughts to a language.Try to be independent of it.
Could you ?
Well, atleast for me,I could manage only one thought.That being,"I am not getting any thoughts".Which infact, was again in a particular language. Truly amazing, don't you feel ?
We are so conditioned to 'think' in some language, and, if you are not allowed that luxury, your very thought process undergoes a mutation and you feel stifled. Really, tell me how else would your thoughts manifest correctly, but for the language (The only other thing that comes to my mind is, thinking in terms of pictures).
Now that languages are apparently known to have such a strong impact on your thoughts, is it then possible, that if you 'think' in one language, instead of the other, you will have 'better' thoughts ? That, you could do more, if you chose to think in one particular language ? I know, I know, that sounds a bit far-fetched, but then again, I couldn't help this thought (Which came to me in English !!!).
Regarding the Italian sentence at the beginning, a good guess by now would tell you what it means - "Language is vital for the thought process".
Doesn't make sense, does it ? Unless of course, you are from Italy, or you have mastered a course in Italian. Thats because, the above sentence is in Italian.No, I have not taken a fancy to learn the language.I got it translated through google.What it stands for - well,lets come to it a little later.Anyways, you must have got an idea as to what this write-up is about.Right,its about the influence of languages. Their influence, but not as in, them being a communication tool.It is a plain fact that languages are the foundations upon which effective communication is built, and there isn't much here,to ponder upon.
This is about the influence of languages on the very thought process of the human mind. I had this idea quite a few time back, and even had a discussion with a friend (Josh, if you remember). It is quite exhilarating to gauge the power of languages, on your thoughts. To get a feel of this, do this simple exercise now. Try to 'think' of anything you want to.But, on one condition.You must think of something,and that, must not be in any language.Don't bind your thoughts to a language.Try to be independent of it.
Could you ?
Well, atleast for me,I could manage only one thought.That being,"I am not getting any thoughts".Which infact, was again in a particular language. Truly amazing, don't you feel ?
We are so conditioned to 'think' in some language, and, if you are not allowed that luxury, your very thought process undergoes a mutation and you feel stifled. Really, tell me how else would your thoughts manifest correctly, but for the language (The only other thing that comes to my mind is, thinking in terms of pictures).
Now that languages are apparently known to have such a strong impact on your thoughts, is it then possible, that if you 'think' in one language, instead of the other, you will have 'better' thoughts ? That, you could do more, if you chose to think in one particular language ? I know, I know, that sounds a bit far-fetched, but then again, I couldn't help this thought (Which came to me in English !!!).
Regarding the Italian sentence at the beginning, a good guess by now would tell you what it means - "Language is vital for the thought process".
Monday, May 22, 2006
835 Days and 2 Hours Remaining
That, was the time estimated by XP, to copy around 600 MB of data,when I was writing a CD.Thought it was worth sharing this once-in-a-while marvel, and so here it is (Please click on the image to see the details clearly).
Its another thing,that it was completed in under ten minutes.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Matrimonial tidbits
Last week, Shekhar,a very good friend of mine got married.His marriage also doubled up as a sort of reunion of my high school friends.Was meeting most of them after a long hiatus, of almost eight years.It was quite a nostalgic experience.We even went down to the details of discussing whom we sat next to,in each of the three years !!! Must say,really felt good to meet old pals after such a long gap.But only wished, a few more had turned up.
He is the third guy in my circle of friends, who have, or either are very close to taking the plunge.Now,I agree there is no peer pressure here.But still, as a passing thought,was just contemplating how close I was,to making the 'dive' myself.Its pathetic.I found out,I am light years away from it.I just don't see it happening in the near future.And, 'near' can have different connotations depending on how long I want it to be.
I mean,lets accept it.I am still a mama's boy and have absolutely no qualms about it.Till now,I have never, ever, felt that 'need' for a companion.There is no void in those terms, that yearns to be filled with companionship.Then,there are no signs of it either.Yes,I have had my share of "crushes", since school through college.But,all those have just been a part of the motley emotions, associated with any growing teenager.Nothing more,nothing less.
And frankly,I am scared like hell when it comes to making such a commitment.Scared,not for my cause,but the other party involved.As far as I know myself, I am a very complex character to get along with,and not all that pliable.So its unfair,to expect someone totally alien to me,to adapt to my capricious ways of life.Agreed,that I also will make certain changes to my behaviour,but as someone said,"Old(Bad) habits die hard".I really pity that soul,who decides to spend the better half of her life (actually more,but its ok considering the literary context of the sentence) with a not-so-better-half like me.So,I have decided to put forth a statutory warning to her before she makes her decision.And no,it won't be as inconspicuous as those, on cigarette packs.But if she still finds me as addictive,that is not my problem.
Come to think of it now,this was not just a passing thought.In reality,it was a 'planted' thought.For quite sometime now,I have a lot of relatives,asking me or my parents,"So,when is it happening ?".On one occasion ,someone even came upto my mom in a function, and this is what ensued.
She: I have a cousin Y,who is eligible.So,I was just wondering if your son.....
Mom: No,actually he is not thinking about it for the next 2-3 years.
Me: 2-3?? Please tell her, not till eternity.
She: Oh,ok ok.But please do tell me when he makes up his mind.
Mom: Yeah, sure.
Me: Yeah, sure.
(Now hoping, Y will never read this).
Okay,I think this thing is getting too egotistical and boring.Will stop it now...
He is the third guy in my circle of friends, who have, or either are very close to taking the plunge.Now,I agree there is no peer pressure here.But still, as a passing thought,was just contemplating how close I was,to making the 'dive' myself.Its pathetic.I found out,I am light years away from it.I just don't see it happening in the near future.And, 'near' can have different connotations depending on how long I want it to be.
I mean,lets accept it.I am still a mama's boy and have absolutely no qualms about it.Till now,I have never, ever, felt that 'need' for a companion.There is no void in those terms, that yearns to be filled with companionship.Then,there are no signs of it either.Yes,I have had my share of "crushes", since school through college.But,all those have just been a part of the motley emotions, associated with any growing teenager.Nothing more,nothing less.
And frankly,I am scared like hell when it comes to making such a commitment.Scared,not for my cause,but the other party involved.As far as I know myself, I am a very complex character to get along with,and not all that pliable.So its unfair,to expect someone totally alien to me,to adapt to my capricious ways of life.Agreed,that I also will make certain changes to my behaviour,but as someone said,"Old(Bad) habits die hard".I really pity that soul,who decides to spend the better half of her life (actually more,but its ok considering the literary context of the sentence) with a not-so-better-half like me.So,I have decided to put forth a statutory warning to her before she makes her decision.And no,it won't be as inconspicuous as those, on cigarette packs.But if she still finds me as addictive,that is not my problem.
Come to think of it now,this was not just a passing thought.In reality,it was a 'planted' thought.For quite sometime now,I have a lot of relatives,asking me or my parents,"So,when is it happening ?".On one occasion ,someone even came upto my mom in a function, and this is what ensued.
She: I have a cousin Y,who is eligible.So,I was just wondering if your son.....
Mom: No,actually he is not thinking about it for the next 2-3 years.
Me: 2-3?? Please tell her, not till eternity.
She: Oh,ok ok.But please do tell me when he makes up his mind.
Mom: Yeah, sure.
Me: Yeah, sure.
(Now hoping, Y will never read this).
Okay,I think this thing is getting too egotistical and boring.Will stop it now...
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Patriotism ?
X is a very patriotic person with lot of respect and admiration for his country.He nurtures ambitions of seeing it as one of the top nations in the world, in all respects.The following is an excerpt from the fictious diary of one such person.All though the diary is fictious,the contents draw inspiration from real life.And yes,X could be anyone.Me.You.All of us.
"I saw Rang De Basanti today.Films with patriotic fervour as their main theme have always struck an emotional chord with me.Irrespective of the quality of their presentation,the very idea appeals to me a lot.RDB was no different.It presents the metamorphosis of four protaganists, from being a bunch of nonchalant & frivolous nomads to patriotic zealots, who don't flinch, in doing anything for their country.To the extent, that they sacrifice their very lives in trying to send a message to their compatriots and thus awaken them from their deep slumber.Ofcourse,the methodology and their approach to doing it is questionable.Considering,that they resort to acts of killing the venal politicians and bureaucrats, in their endeavour to set the 'system' right.But,on a personal level,I am not all that averse to their line of thought.Here,I am not advocating violence as the ultimate panacea to all maladies.But only trying to suggest,that I did not find their approach too inappropriate in the current context.
All this jingoism that I seem to be delineating now,is not the aftermath of watching a movie.Only that I am using this as a launchpad to put forth my thoughts on the issue.One may ask,now that I am potraying myself as this staunch idealist,what have 'I', actually done to improve conditions around myself.Though not significantly palpable in the macroscopic scheme of things,these are very small things that have given me satisfaction at a personal level.
"I saw Rang De Basanti today.Films with patriotic fervour as their main theme have always struck an emotional chord with me.Irrespective of the quality of their presentation,the very idea appeals to me a lot.RDB was no different.It presents the metamorphosis of four protaganists, from being a bunch of nonchalant & frivolous nomads to patriotic zealots, who don't flinch, in doing anything for their country.To the extent, that they sacrifice their very lives in trying to send a message to their compatriots and thus awaken them from their deep slumber.Ofcourse,the methodology and their approach to doing it is questionable.Considering,that they resort to acts of killing the venal politicians and bureaucrats, in their endeavour to set the 'system' right.But,on a personal level,I am not all that averse to their line of thought.Here,I am not advocating violence as the ultimate panacea to all maladies.But only trying to suggest,that I did not find their approach too inappropriate in the current context.
All this jingoism that I seem to be delineating now,is not the aftermath of watching a movie.Only that I am using this as a launchpad to put forth my thoughts on the issue.One may ask,now that I am potraying myself as this staunch idealist,what have 'I', actually done to improve conditions around myself.Though not significantly palpable in the macroscopic scheme of things,these are very small things that have given me satisfaction at a personal level.
- Have always tried not to litter the roads/streets with choclate/gum covers.Either have put in the roadside bins or have carried it in pocket and dumped it at home.
- Have tried to follow traffic rules scrupulously,even if its as 'trivial' as not crossing the dividing yellow line, or not overshooting the zebra crossing.Have strictly followed one-ways,be it at one in the night or at five in the morning.
At the same time,must admit though,that I have been coerced to do certain things,things which I decry.I also understand that,the above acts are not even close enough to solving the actual problems that we have on hand today.But,they are small steps alright.In the right direction.As they say,'A journey of a thousand steps begins with one step'.I am not aiming for utopia here,but expecting people to do minimalistic things for the betterment of their own country is not unfair,right? Or, is it?
God,let some sense prevail.
On a totally unconnected note,yesterday was one of the momentous days of my life.I got an admit for my Masters, from one of the top schools in the SU.I am flying off from India next month, to complete my higher education,in what will be a potentially rewarding investment for my career ahead.Feeling really elated about it."
Monday, April 10, 2006
Treat
"A" is leaving to Canada in two weeks, for six months, on an onsite project.So we decided to have the customary treat yesterday.After much speculation about the POA, "Ab" suggested we could go 'go-karting', followed by a dinner. The idea sounded good to the rest and so we(A,Ab,N and me) set out at around 7.00 in the evening.The go-karting was supposed to be near the palace grounds.But after reaching there,we found out that it had been closed for good, a long time back.After "A" had done with cursing "Ab" , we decided to go bowling, as that was the only other choice at Starcity.
Now,I haven't gone bowling in over an year now.I don't even remember the last occassion exactly.So was just little sceptical about my 'form'.But what happened when I took my first attempt, left me more dumbfounded than the others.I got a full STRIKE. Just could not believe that all the pins were down and out !!! And as I tried to trace back my actions during the 'roll' (as to how I could score a strike),it seemed like it was erased from memory.I could only remember getting the ball and going near the line to roll it over.After that, the point in time where I released the ball seemed to have been wiped out from my memory.Felt like I was not entirely there.If this wasn't queer enough,what I experienced in the last attempt was even more "out of the normal".As I gathered the ball for my last 'roll', I could 'see' that I would score a strike this time too.Somehow,it looked very obvious. Then, as I rolled it over the alley,in total arrogance,the ball went in a straight line and knocked over all the pins.
All this might be sounding a little over-the-board, considering it was only a game of bowling.But, for me,the experience was surely a novel one and that kept me thinking for the rest of the time.
Anyways,I could only manage a score of 101,as I became lackadaisical in the later attempts,after scoring an improbable strike in the first roll.Still, came second,next to Ab at 120.
Bowling done,it was time for dinner.Again,Ab was the one who suggested the place.We drove over to Cunningham road, to a place called "Aura" (After the bowling experience,the name suggested something more than just a place) . As we entered the Airconditioned restaurant,I could see the place shrouded in smoke.Initially,we thought it was of the cooking that was happening around there.But we realised,it was actually the smoke from the cigarettes that almost everyone there was smoking.
Then I had this nice little conversation with one of the their waiters.
Me : We would prefer a non-smoking area.
Him(mostly nodding his head) : Yes,this is smoking zone.
Me : No no,we would like a NON-smoking zone.
Him(again, nodding his head) : Yes,you can smoke.
Now,I got a bit annoyed and told the others, in kannada,that we could not possibly have our food amidst this suffocating smoke.Poor guy,he then seemed to have understood our predicament and directed us to an open-air part of the restaurant.Was much better here.All the tables here had candle lights and I assumed,they were mostly for couples.Oh yes,there were mostly couples in this section (Except for one family,which I guess,also could not tolerate the smoke inside).
"A" rued, "I never thought I would have my first candle-light dinner with 3 guys for a company" . The rest of us could only manage a faint chuckle. In the age of " Brokeback Mountain ",I don't think people found it odd enough, for four guys to go on a candle-light dinner. The food was really good though.Had a filling dinner,and on the way back home,Ab and N had some really good ice cream at "Richie Rich".
Two things stood out in this outing.The "experiences" while bowling and the candle-light dinner.
"A",thanks for the treat and wish you a nice time.
Now,I haven't gone bowling in over an year now.I don't even remember the last occassion exactly.So was just little sceptical about my 'form'.But what happened when I took my first attempt, left me more dumbfounded than the others.I got a full STRIKE. Just could not believe that all the pins were down and out !!! And as I tried to trace back my actions during the 'roll' (as to how I could score a strike),it seemed like it was erased from memory.I could only remember getting the ball and going near the line to roll it over.After that, the point in time where I released the ball seemed to have been wiped out from my memory.Felt like I was not entirely there.If this wasn't queer enough,what I experienced in the last attempt was even more "out of the normal".As I gathered the ball for my last 'roll', I could 'see' that I would score a strike this time too.Somehow,it looked very obvious. Then, as I rolled it over the alley,in total arrogance,the ball went in a straight line and knocked over all the pins.
All this might be sounding a little over-the-board, considering it was only a game of bowling.But, for me,the experience was surely a novel one and that kept me thinking for the rest of the time.
Anyways,I could only manage a score of 101,as I became lackadaisical in the later attempts,after scoring an improbable strike in the first roll.Still, came second,next to Ab at 120.
Bowling done,it was time for dinner.Again,Ab was the one who suggested the place.We drove over to Cunningham road, to a place called "Aura" (After the bowling experience,the name suggested something more than just a place) . As we entered the Airconditioned restaurant,I could see the place shrouded in smoke.Initially,we thought it was of the cooking that was happening around there.But we realised,it was actually the smoke from the cigarettes that almost everyone there was smoking.
Then I had this nice little conversation with one of the their waiters.
Me : We would prefer a non-smoking area.
Him(mostly nodding his head) : Yes,this is smoking zone.
Me : No no,we would like a NON-smoking zone.
Him(again, nodding his head) : Yes,you can smoke.
Now,I got a bit annoyed and told the others, in kannada,that we could not possibly have our food amidst this suffocating smoke.Poor guy,he then seemed to have understood our predicament and directed us to an open-air part of the restaurant.Was much better here.All the tables here had candle lights and I assumed,they were mostly for couples.Oh yes,there were mostly couples in this section (Except for one family,which I guess,also could not tolerate the smoke inside).
"A" rued, "I never thought I would have my first candle-light dinner with 3 guys for a company" . The rest of us could only manage a faint chuckle. In the age of " Brokeback Mountain ",I don't think people found it odd enough, for four guys to go on a candle-light dinner. The food was really good though.Had a filling dinner,and on the way back home,Ab and N had some really good ice cream at "Richie Rich".
Two things stood out in this outing.The "experiences" while bowling and the candle-light dinner.
"A",thanks for the treat and wish you a nice time.
Friday, April 07, 2006
LISP in multimedia ?
With Srk raving about LISP at the slightest opportunity,I was wondering whats so special about it.So decided to have a look at it.Have been going through it, since yesterday.Even downloaded a decent LISP development tool and started off through some online documents and tutorials.Having been used to "imperative programming" for almost 5 years now (since college),found LISP's "functional programming" paradigm totally new.Though I could manage to write very small fragments of code,must admit,still haven't got the hang of it.For instance,things like,how much similar data and procedure are.More about that here.
As a passing thought, was just wondering if LISP could find any application in the multimedia domain (Here,I am mainly referring to applications involving audio and video).Especially, considering that I saw comments about how inefficient LISP is.And how,most multimedia applications require real-time performance. In these scenarios, "abstraction" is the last thing you want,and that, primarily being LISP's USP.So, may be this question itself is a wrong one to ask and totally out of context.
But still,is there something that multimedia can achieve through LISP, that it currently is not able to,being limited by its choice of language.I really don't know.Maybe,only time will tell.
As a passing thought, was just wondering if LISP could find any application in the multimedia domain (Here,I am mainly referring to applications involving audio and video).Especially, considering that I saw comments about how inefficient LISP is.And how,most multimedia applications require real-time performance. In these scenarios, "abstraction" is the last thing you want,and that, primarily being LISP's USP.So, may be this question itself is a wrong one to ask and totally out of context.
But still,is there something that multimedia can achieve through LISP, that it currently is not able to,being limited by its choice of language.I really don't know.Maybe,only time will tell.
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